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Lorum Ipsum Locked Test Thread for Performance testing
#46
426
Arm Exercises-Bice.es
STANDING
BARBELL CURLS
PURPOSEOF EXERCISE:To develop
the overall size of the biceps.
This is the most basic and popular
of biceps exercises.
EXECUTIONSad1) Stand with feet
shoulder-width apart and grasp
the bar with an underhand grip,
hands about shoulder width apart.
Let the bar hang down at arm's
length in front of you. (2) Curl the
bar out and up in a wide arc and
bring it up as high as you can, with
your elbows close to the body and
stationary. Keep the arc wide and
long, rather than bringing the bar
straight up and making the movement
too easy. Fully flex at the
top. Lower the weight again, following
the same arc and resisting
the weight all the way down until
your arms are fully extended. A
small amount of bodymovement
in this exercise is acceptable because
it is a mass-building movement,
but this is to be kept to a
minimum unless you are doing
deliberate Cheat Curls. Bending
forward and leaning back cut
down on your range of motion.
.
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427
1
To build maximum rrwss and work the
total surface of the biceps, do Barbell
Curls with your hands shoulder width
apart. Notice how this puts the
shoulders, arms, and hands in a
straight line.
428
The correct beginning position for
Barbell Curls: standing upright,
elbows at sides, arms fully extended
to stretch out the biceps
The correct finishing position for Barbell
Curls: the body upright without swaying,
the elbows fixed at the sides. This strict
form forces the biceps to do all the work,
without any help from the back or the
shoulders. Notice too that when you hold
your elbows steady your arms are still at an
angle at the top of the movement rather
than straight up and down. This means that
the biceps are still doing the work of
supporting the weight, instead of resting
while the bones and joints do the work.
Notice what happens when you
lift the elbows during the
Barbell Curl. Instead of
isolating and really working the
biceps, you are involving the
front deltoids, which defeats the
purpose of the exercise.
Another problem that develops when you lift
your elbows during the Barbell Curl instead of
keeping them fixed by your sides: At the end
position of the movement, the forearms are
straight up and down, meaning that the bones
are bearing the weight of the bar and the
biceps are not doing any work at all.
429
ARM BLASTER CURLS (OPTIONAL)
Doing Curls with an Arm Blaster-a piece of equipment that, unfortunately,
you don't see very often today-is a very strict way of working
the biceps that minimizes cheating. By using the Arm Blaster, you get
the same kind of effect as with a preacher bench-no elbow movement
at all and strict isolation of the biceps.
430
CHEAT CURLS
PURPOSEOF EXERCISE:To develop extra mass and power in the biceps.
EXECUTION:Stand and hold the bar as for Barbell Curls, but use enough
weight so that it becomes difficult to do more than just a few strict repetitions.
At this point, you begin to swing the weight up, using your back
and shoulders to help your arms. The trick is to keep your biceps working
as hard as they can, and cheat only enough to keep the set going.
Keep the elbows stationary at the waist. I like to combine Barbell Curls
and Cheat Curls, doing a normal set of Curls and, when my arms are too
tired to do any more strict repetitions, loading on extra weight and doing
some Cheat Curls to really blast the biceps.
.
PREACHER CURLS
PURPOSEOF EXERCISE:To develop
the biceps especially the lower end.
This is especially good for anyone
who has space between the
lower biceps and the elbow joint, to
help fill in and shape this area.
EXECUTIONTonguereacher Curls are an
even stricter movement than regular
Barbell Curls. (1) Position yourself
with your chest against the bench,
your arms extending over it. This
puts the arms at an angle, which
transfers additional stress to the
lower area of the muscle. Take hold
of a barbell with an underhand grip.
(2) Holding your body steady, curl
the bar all the way up and then
lower it again to full extension, resisting
the weight on the way down.
You can use an E-Z curl bar for this
movement, or even use the bench
for One-Arm Dumbbell Curls.
Don't lean back as you lift the bar,
and deliberately flex the muscle extra
hard as you come to the top of
the movement, where there is little
actual stress on the biceps muscles.
432
Preacher Curls can also be done
with an E-Z curl bar.
Doing PreacherCurlswith
dumbbells forces each arm to
work independently.
Robby Robinson
;;""!ingthis exercise with the dumbbells held closer together
-~fs the outer biceps to a slightly greater degree. . .
. . . and doing it with the dumbbells apart works the
inner biceps more strongly.
434
II
a.
435
3-PART CURLS (21S)
PURPOSEOF EXERCISE:To develop and shape the entire biceps area.
This exercise, a combination of partial- and full-range movements, is
a great test of endurance. Because of the combination of 3 sets of 7 repetitions
each, this exercise is also known as 21s.
EXECUTIONSad1) From a seated or standing position, take a dumbbell in
each hand, holding the weights at arm's length down at your sides.
(2) Curl the weights upward but stop halfWay, when your forearms are
about parallel to the floor, then lower them again to the starting position.
Do 7 repetitions of this movement. Then, without stopping, (3) curl the
weights all the way up but stop halfWay down and do 7 repetitions of this
partial movement. At this point, even though exhaustion will be setting
in, finish off the set by doing 7 full-range Dumbbell Curls. I like to do
this exercise in front of a mirror so that I can really be sure of lifting in
exactly the proper range.
;~

~
INCLINE DUMBBELL
CURLS ; PURPOSEOF EXERCISE:To stretch
the biceps and for overall biceps
development.
This exercise develops mass
and biceps peak at the same time.
If you do the movement to the
front, it is a general biceps exercise.
If you do it to the outside, it becomes
a specialized exercise that
emphasizes the inner part of the
biceps.
I
,
I
EXECUTIONSad1) Sit back on an incline
bench holding a dumbbell in
each hand. (2) Keeping your elbows
well forward throughout the
movement, curl the weights forward
and up to shoulder level.
Lower the weights again, fully under
control, and pause at the bottom
to keep from using
momentum to swing the weights
up on the next repetition. I find I
get the best results with this exercise
by pronating and supinating
my wrists during the movementturning
the wrists so that the palms
face each other at the bottom, then
twisting the weights as I lift so that
the palms turn upward, then outward,
with the little finger higher
than the thumb at the top.
Dumhbell Curls to the
"'-ctsidehelp build the inner
biceps and are an
:mportant part of weak
paint training.
SEATED DUMBBELL CURLS
PURPOSEOFEXERCISE:To build, shape, and
define the biceps.
Doing a standard curl with dumbbells
rather than a barbell means you will use
slightly less weight, but the arms are left free
to move through their natural range of motion
and you can achieve an even greater degree
of contraction. As with Barbell Curls,
you can cheat a little with this exercise, but
keep it to a minimum.
EXECUTIONSad1) Sit on the end of a flat
bench, or against the back support of an incline
bench adjusted to an upright position, a
dumbbell in each hand held straight down at
arm's length, palms turned toward your body.
(2) Holding your elbows steady as unmoving
pivot points, curl the weights forward and
up, twisting your palms forward as you lift so
that the thumbs turn to the outside and the
palms are facing up. Lift the weights as high
as you can and then give an extra flex of the
biceps to achieve maximum contraction.
Lower the dumbbells down through the
same arc, resisting the weight all the way
down, until your arms are fully extended, the
biceps stretched as far as possible. Twisting
the wrists as you lift and lower the dumbbells
causes a fuller contraction of the biceps and
develops the inner biceps and separation between
biceps and triceps. You can also do
this exercise standing instead of seated,
which will allow you to use a little more
weight, although the movement will not be
as strict.
"""
-
.
439
HAMMER CURLS (OPTIONAL)
This is done the same way as regular Dumbbell Curls except the palms
face inward and stay that way throughout the movement. This way you
train the forearms as well as the biceps.
440
ALTERNATE DUMBBELL CURLS
PURPOSEOFEXERCISET:o isolate the biceps of each arm.
This is a variation of a Dumbbell Curl in which you curl the dumbbells
alternately, first one arm and then the other, to give you that extra
bit of isolation, allowingyou to concentrate your energy on one arm at a
time and to minimize cheating.
EXECUTIONS:tand upright, a dumbbell in each hand hanging at arm's
length. Curl one weight forward and up, holding your elbow steady at
your waist and twisting your wrist slightly,bringing the thumb down and
little finger up, to get maximum biceps contraction. Curl the weight as
high as you can, then bring it
back down under control through
the same arc, simultaneously
curling the other weight up so
that both dumbbells are in motion
and twisting the wrist of the
other hand as you bring it up.
Continue these alternate Curls
until you have done the required
repetitions with both arms. Make
sure you fully extend and contract
the arm to get the fullest
possible range of motion.
441
Using the Arm Blaster you get
the strictness of a Preacher
Curl, with the elbows fixed
solidly in place, which is
especially good for training the
lower biceps.
You can do Alternate Dumbbell
Curls in a sitting position as well.
442
CONCENTRATION CURLS
PURPOSEOF EXERCISE:To create maximum height in the biceps, especially
the outside of the biceps.
I like to do this exercise at the end of my biceps training because it is
one of the best means of peaking the muscle. This is a very strict movement,
but it is for height, not definition, so use as much weight as you
can handle. The name Concentration Curl is significant: You really need
to concentrate on the biceps contraction and on being strict to make this
exercise effective.
EXECUTIONSad1) In a standing position, bend over slightly and take a
dumbbell in one hand. Rest your free arm on your knee or other stationary
object to stabilize yourself. (2) Curl the weight up to the deltoid and
without moving the upper arm or the elbow and make certain you don't
allow your elbow to rest against your thigh. As you lift, twist the wrist so
that the little finger ends up higher than the thumb. Tense the muscle
fully at the top of the Curl, then lower the weight slowly, resisting it all
the way down to full extension. At the top of the Curl, the biceps are taking
tlle full stress of the weight. Don't curl the weight to the chest-it
should be curled to the shoulder.
.------
LYING DUMBBELL CURLS
PURPOSEOF EXERCISE:To build the entire biceps
throughout a maximal range of motion.
This is an exercise I learned from Reg Park, and
it is particularly effective because it gives you a
great biceps stretch and helps lengthen the muscle.
Also, due to the angle, the biceps must contract
fully to offset the pull of gravity.
EXECUTIONUConfusede an exercise bench and, ifnecessary,
place it on blocks to raise it higher off the
ground. (1) Lie on your back on the bench, a
dumbbell in each hand, your knees bent and feet
flat on the bench. Let the dumbbells hang down
(but not touching the floor) and turn your palms
fOlWard.(2) With your elbows steady, curl the
weights up toward the shoulders, keeping the
movement very strict. Then lower the dumbbells
back toward the floor, resisting the weight all the
way down.
1
.1 444
Lee Priest
III!
iii:8-
TWO-HAND CABLE CURLS
PURPOSEOF EXERCISE:To develop and shape the biceps, particularly
the height of the biceps peak.
EXECUTION:Attach a bar to a floor-level cable and pulley. (1)
Grasp the bar with an underhand grip, hands about shoulder
width apart. Keeping your elbows fixed at your sides, extend
your arms out and down until your biceps are fully stretched.
(2) Curl the bar upward, not letting your elbows move, to a
position just under your chin. Contract your biceps as hard as
possible on top, then lower the bar slowly back down until
your arms are fully extended, biceps stretched. This is not generally
considered a mass exercise, so the key to doing it properly
is a slow, smooth, controlled motion.
J
CABLE CURLS WITH
PREACHER BENCH
(OPTIONAL)
EXECUTIONT:o do this movement
with a preacher bench, (1) sit down
and place your arms over the bench
to hold them steady as you (2) curl
the weight up and slowlylower it
again, resisting the weight all the way
down.
Preacher Cable Curls combine the
strictness of the preacher bench with
the strictness that comes from the
steady resistance provided by a
cable.
Doing Preacher Curls with a cable
gives the biceps resistance even on the
top. (With dumbbells or barbells, the
resistance is mostly on the bottom.)
Therefore, doing the exercise with a
cable helps you to add peak contraction
to your workout.
446
REVERSE CURLS
PURPOSEOF EXERCISE:To develop the biceps.
This exercise is also good for forearm development.
EXECUTIONSad1) Standing with your feet
shoulder-width apart, grasp a barbell with an
overhand grip and hold it down in front of
you at arm's length. (2) Keeping your elbows
steady, curl the weight out and up to a position
about even with your chin. Lower the
weight through the same arc, resisting all the
way down. Gripping the bar this way, you put
the biceps in a position of mechanical disadvantage,
so you will not be able to curl as
much weight. The reverse grip makes the top
of the forearm work very hard. Reverse Curls
for the biceps rather than the forearms do not
begin with any kind of Reverse Wrist Curl.
Keep the wrists steady as you curl the weight
up. Notice that the thumb is kept on top of
the bar.
447
REVERSE PREACHER
BENCH CURLS
PURPOSEOFEXERCISE:To develop the
biceps and the top of the foreann.
Using a preacher bench, the movement
is done very strictly.
EXECUTION(1Smile Grasp a bar with an
overhand grip, hands about shoulder
width apart. (2) Lean across a preacher
bench and extend your arms fully. Let
your anns hang toward the floor, then
curl the weight up, with the wrists as
well, keeping the elbows firmly anchored.
Curl the weight as far as possible,
then lower it again, keeping it
under control and resisting all the way
down. Keep your body steady throughout
the movement and avoid rocking
back and forth.
BICEPS MACHINES
A lot of equipment companies make Curl machines designed to allow you
to subject your biceps to full-range rotary resistance. One advantage of
these machines is that they allow you to do heavy forced negatives, your
workout partner pressing down on the weight as you resist during the
downward part of the movement. Another is that you can often get a
~nger range of motion, giving you more stretch and total contraction.
However, machines lock you into one narrow movement path, which will
~t allow for a really full development of the biceps. Use machines as a
:::1ethod of getting more variety in your workouts in addition to, but not instead
of, free-weight Curls.
448
Flex Wheeler ,
.
MACHINE CURLS
PURPOSEOF EXERCISE:To work the biceps through the longest range of
motion possible.
When you do Curls on a machine, the movement becomes extremely
strict and you are able to contract against resistance over the
longest range of motion possible, from the point of full extension to that
of a full peak contraction. Because of this, Machine Curls are a shaping,
finishing exercise rather than one designed to build mass.
r
.....
There are a wide variety of Curl machines found in gyms.With
some, the resistance is provided by loading the machine with weight
plates, while others use a cable attached to a weight stack. With many
machines you grasp a bar and curl both arms simultaneously. With others,
like the one pictured here, the two sides of the machine work independently,
so you can either curl your arms simultaneously or, as shown
here, use the machine to do Alternate Curls.
EXECUTIONW:hen doing Curls on any machine, position yourself with
your elbows on the pad and grasp the bar or the handles with an underhand
grip. (1) For two-handed Curls, contract the biceps and curl both
arms as far as possible, feeling a full peak contraction at the top, then extend
downward under full control to a point of full extension. (2) For Alternate
Curls, contract one arm to a point of peak contraction, extend it
downward under full control to a point of full extension, then do the
same with the other arm, and continue to alternate the two arms until
your set is complete.
<r><COLOR color="#00FF40"><s></s>Official MuscleTalk Representative<e></e></COLOR></r>
Reply
#47
450
Arm Exercises- Trice~
TRICEPS CABLE PRESSDOWNS
fOR LAT MACHINE PRESSDOWNS)
PUl~POSEOFEXERCISE:To work the biceps through a full range of motion.
EXECUTIONSad1) Hook a short bar to an overhead cable and pulley, stand
close to the bar and grasp it with an overhand grip, hands about 10
inches apart. Keep your elbows locked in close to your body and stationary.
Keep your whole body steady-don't lean forward to press down
with your body weight. (2) Press the bar down as far as possible, locking
out your anTISand feeling the triceps contract fully. Release and let the
bar come up as far as possible without moving your elbows. For variety,
you can vary your grip, the type of bar you use, how close you stand to
the bar, or the width between your hands; or you can do a three-quarter
movement, going from all the way up to three-quarters of the way down
in order to work the lower triceps more directly.
JusuP Wilkosz
I
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~
..= , Blaster Pressdowns . . . I frequently did Pressdowns using an Arm
:::::merto keep the elbows from moving and to create a superstrict
- ",-"f:ement.
452
Mike Matarazzo
When doing Pressdowns with an incline
hoard, you force the triceps to work at an
unfamiliar angle, and you can't cheat.
,
..
III
453
Changing from an overhand to a reverse grip will
change the feel-and muscle recruitment.
454
ONE-ARM CABLE REVERSE
PRESSDOWNS
PURPOSEOF EXERCISE:To isolate the triceps
and develop the horseshoe shape of the
muscle.
This exercise is especially good for contest
or weak point training because by using a cable
you can work each arm separately in isolation.
EXECUTIONSad1) Using an overhead cable and
pulley, take hold of the handle with a reverse
grip, palm up. (2) Keeping your elbow fixed
and unmoving, straighten your arm until it is
locked out and extended straight down. Flex
the triceps in this position for extra contraction.
Still not moving the elbow, let your hand
come up as far as possible until the forearm
approaches the biceps, feeling a complete
stretch in the triceps. Finish your repetitions,
then repeat with the other arm.
SEATED TRICEPS PRESSES
,
~
PURPOSE OF EXERCISE: To hit all three triceps
heads, especially the long head.
,.
EXECUTION:Grasp a barbell with an overhand
grip, hands close together. (1) Sit on a bench
and raise the bar straight up overhead, arms
locked out. (2) Keeping your elbows stationary
and close to your head, lower the weight down
in an arc behind your head until your triceps are
as stretched as possible. Only the forearms
should move in this exercise. From this position,
using only your triceps, press the weight back
up overhead to full extension. Lock your arms
out and flex your triceps. You might prefer doing
this exercise using an E-Z curl bar or on an
incline bench.
11
<r><COLOR color="#00FF40"><s></s>Official MuscleTalk Representative<e></e></COLOR></r>
Reply
#48
From caf-talk Caf Jun 8 19:52:43 1992
Newsgroups: comp.society
Subject: Anonymity and privacy on the network
Message-ID:
Date: 23 Mar 92 12:21:52 GMT
Organization: The American University - University Computing Center
Lines: 759
Approved: SOCICOM@AUVM


Moderator's note: The following article is a lengthy excerpt from a
recent issue of FIDONEWS concerning individual privacy and the use of
aliases or handles in computer-based communications. It was submitted by
a comp.society reader who used a handle; because the excerpt is a cross-
post from another electronic publication, I have taken the liberty of
viewing the use of a handle by sender as a request for privacy and
anonymity similar to the request a newspaper editor might receive in a
letter to the editor. Thus, while reprinting the submission, the name
and address of the sender are "withheld upon request." The article
raises a number of good points; the submission by a reader using a handle
to preserve anonymity makes a point; and the editorial action of
submitting the reader's posting anonymously makes the question current.
What are the implications of using aliases on the net?

Greg Welsh, moderator, comp.society
Internet: Socicom@american.edu
Bitnet: Socicom@auvm.bitnet

[begin excerpt]
F I D O N E W S -- | Vol. 9 No. 9 (2 March 1992)
The newsletter of the |
FidoNet BBS community | Published by:
_ |
/ \ | "FidoNews" BBS
/|oo \ | (415)-863-2739
(_| /_) | FidoNet 1:1/1
_`@/_ \ _ | Internet:
| | \ \\ | fidonews@fidonews.fidonet.org
| (*) | \ )) |
|__U__| / \// | Editors:
_//|| _\ / | Tom Jennings
(_/(_|(____/ | Tim Pozar
(jm) |
----------------------------+---------------------------------------
Published weekly by and for the Members of the FidoNet international
amateur network. Copyright 1992, Fido Software. All rights reserved.
Duplication and/or distribution permitted for noncommercial purposes
only. For use in other circumstances, please contact FidoNews.

Paper price: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5.00US
Electronic Price: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . free!

For more information about FidoNews refer to the end of this file.
--------------------------------------------------------------------


[...some editing...]
======================================================================
ARTICLES
======================================================================


The Joy of Handles
Mahatma Kane Jeeves
101/138.8
David Lescohier
101/138.0




THE JOY OF HANDLES
------------------
or:
EVERYTHING YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT ME
(but have no right to ask)
--------------------------


* * * * *


We should never so entirely avoid danger as to appear
irresolute and cowardly. But, at the same time, we should
avoid unnecessarily exposing ourselves to danger, than
which nothing can be more foolish. [Cicero]


* * * * *



Do you trust me?

If you participate in computer conferencing, and you use
your real name, then you'd better.

"Why?", you ask. "What can you do with my name?" To start
with, given that and your origin line, I can probably look
you up in your local phone book, and find out where you
live. Even if you are unlisted, there are ways to locate
you based on your name. If you own any property, or pay any
utility bills, your address is a matter of public record.
Do you have children in the public schools? It would be
easy to find out. But that's just the beginning.

Former Chairman of the U.S. Privacy Protection Commission
David F. Linowes, in his book "Privacy in America" (1989),
writes of New York private investigator Irwin Blye:

"Challenged to prove his contention that, given a little
time and his usual fee, he could learn all about an
individual without even speaking with him, Blye was
presented with a subject -- a New Jersey
newspaperman.... The result was a five-page, single-
spaced, typed report which documented, though not always
accurately, a wide sweep of the journalist's past, and
was detailed to the point of disclosing his father's
income before his retirement."

Who am I? If I don't post, you might not even know I exist.
I could be on your local Police Department, or an agent
working with the IRS, or some federal law-enforcement
agency. I could be a member of some fanatical hate group,
or criminal organization. I might even be a former Nixon
White-House staffer!

I could be that pyromaniacal teenager you flamed last
weekend, for posting a step-by-step description of how he
made plastic explosive in his high-school chem lab. He
seemed kind of mad.

But you're an upstanding citizen; you have nothing to hide.
So why not use your name on the nets? Trust me. There's
nothing to worry about.

Is there?

* * * * *

WHAT'S ALL THIS BROUHAHA?
-------------------------

Stupidity is evil waiting to happen. [Clay Bond]


Not long ago in Fidonet's BCSNET echo (the Boston Computer
Society's national conference), the following was posted by
the conference moderator to a user calling himself "Captain
Kirk":

"May we ask dear Captain Kirk that it would be very
polite if you could use your real name in an echomail
conference? This particular message area is shared
with BBS's all across the country and everyone else is
using their real name. It is only common courtesy to
do so in an echomail conference."

One of us (mkj) responded with a post questioning that
policy. Soon the conference had erupted into a heated
debate! Although mkj had worried that the subject might be
dismissed as trivial, it apparently touched a nerve. It
brought forth debate over issues and perceptions central to
computer communications in general, and it revealed profound
disparities in fundamental values and assumptions among
participants.

This article is a response to that debate, and to the
prevailing negative attitudes regarding the use of handles.
Handles seem to have a bad reputation. Their use is
strangely unpopular, and frequently forbidden by network
authorities. Many people seem to feel that handles are rude
or dishonest, or that anyone wishing to conceal his or her
identity must be up to no good. It is the primary purpose
of this article to dispel such prejudices.

Let us make one thing perfectly clear here at the outset: We
do NOT challenge the need or the right of sysops to know the
identities of their users! But we do believe that a sysop
who collects user names has a serious responsibility to
protect that information. This means making sure that no
one has access to the data without a legal warrant, and it
certainly means not pressuring users to broadcast their real
names in widespread public forums such as conferences.

* * * * *

SO YOU WANT TO BE A STAR?
-------------------------

John Lennon died for our sins. [anonymous]


Andy Warhol said that "In the future, everyone will be
famous for fifteen minutes". The computer nets, more than
any other medium, lend credibility to this prediction. A
network conference may span the globe more completely than
even satellite TV, yet be open to anyone who can afford the
simplest computer and modem. Through our participation in
conferencing, each of us becomes, if only briefly, a public
figure of sorts -- often without realizing it, and without
any contemplation of the implications and possible
consequences.

Brian Reid (reid@decwrl.DEC.COM) conducts and distributes
periodic surveys of Usenet conference readership. His
statistical results for the end of 1991 show that of the
1,459 conferences which currently make up Usenet, more than
fifty percent have over 20,000 readers apiece; the most
popular conferences are each seen by about 200,000 readers!
Mr. Reid's estimate of total Usenet readership is nearly TWO
MILLION people.

Note that Mr. Reid's numbers are for Usenet only; they do
not include any information on other large public nets such
as RIME (PC-Relaynet), Fido, or dozens of others, nor do
they take into account thousands of private networks which
may have indirect public network connections. The total
number of users with access to public networks is unknown,
but informed estimates range to the tens of millions, and
the number keeps growing at an amazing pace -- in fact, the
rate of growth of this medium may be greater than any other
communications medium in history.

The special problems and risks which arise when one deals
with a large public audience are something about which most
computer users have little or no experience or
understanding. Until recently, those of us involved in
computer conferencing have comprised a small and rather
elite community. The explosion in network participation is
catching us all a little unprepared.

Among media professionals and celebrities, on the other
hand, the risks of conducting one's business in front of a
public audience are all too familiar. If the size of one's
audience becomes sufficiently large, one must assume that
examples of virtually every personality type will be
included: police and other agents of various governments,
terrorists, murderers, rapists, religious fanatics, the
mentally ill, robbers and con artists, et al ad infinitum.
It must also be assumed that almost anything you do, no
matter how innocuous, could inspire at least one person,
somewhere, to harbor ill will toward you.

The near-fatal stabbing of actress Theresa Saldana is a case
in point. As she was walking to her car one morning near her
West Hollywood apartment, a voice behind her asked, "Are you
Theresa Saldana?"; when she turned to answer, a man she had
never seen before pulled out a kitchen knife and stabbed her
repeatedly.

After her lengthy and painful recovery, she wrote a book on
the experience ("Beyond Survival", 1986). In that book she
wrote:


[pg 12] "... Detective Kalas informed me that the
assailant, whom he described as a Scottish drifter, had
fixated upon me after seeing me in films."

[pg 28] "... it was through my work as an actress that
the attacker had fixated on me. Naturally, this made
me consider getting out of show business ..."

[pg 34] "For security, I adopted an alias and became
'Alicia Michaels.' ... during the months that followed
I grew so accustomed to it that, to this day, I still
answer reflexively when someone calls the name Alicia!"

Or consider the fate of Denver radio talk show host Alan
Berg, who in 1984 died outside his home in a hail of
gunfire. Police believe he was the victim of a local neo-
nazi group who didn't like his politics.

We are reminded of the murders of John Lennon and Rebecca
Shaffer; the Reagan/Hinckley/Foster incident; and a long
string of other "celebrity attacks" of all sorts, including
such bizarre events as the occupation of David Letterman's
home by a strange woman who claimed to be his wife! There is
probably no one in public life who doesn't receive at least
the occassional threatening letter.

Of course, ordinary participants in network conferencing may
never attract quite the attention that other types of
celebrities attract. But consider the following, rather less
apocalyptic scenarios:

-- On Friday night you post a message to a public
conference defending an unpopular or controversial
viewpoint. On Monday morning your biggest client
cancels a major contract. Or you are kept up all
night by repeated telephone calls from someone
demanding that you "stop killing babies"!

-- You buy your teenage son or daughter a computer and
modem. Sometime later you find your lawn littered
with beer bottles and dug up with tire marks, or
your home vandalized or burglarized.

-- One day you are nominated to the Supreme Court. Who
are all these strange people on TV claiming to be
your friends? How did that fellow know your position
on abortion? Your taste in GIFs?

Celebrities and other professional media personalities
accept the risks and sacrifices of notoriety, along with the
benefits, as part of their chosen careers. Should computer
conference participants be expected to do the same? And who
should be making these decisions?

* * * * *

OTHER MEDIA
-----------

When thou art at Rome, do as they do at Rome [Cervantes]


Older media seem to address the problems of privacy very
differently than computer media, at least so far. We are
not aware of ANY medium or publication, apart from computer
conferencing, where amateur or even most professional
participants are required to expose their true names against
their will. Even celebrities frequently use "stage names",
and protect their addresses and phone numbers as best they
can.

When a medium caters specifically to the general public,
participants are typically given even greater opportunities
to protect their privacy. Television talk shows have been
known to go so far as to employ silhouetting and electronic
alteration of voices to protect the identities of guests,
and audience members who participate are certainly not
required to state their full names before speaking.

The traditional medium most analogous to computer
conferencing may be talk radio. Like conferencing, talk
radio is a group discussion and debate medium oriented
toward controversy, where emotions can run high. Programs
often center around a specific topic, and are always run by
a "host" whose role seems analogous in many respects to that
of a conference moderator. It is therefore worth noting
that in talk radio generally, policy seems to be that
callers are identified on the air only by their first names
(unless of course they volunteer more).

Finally, of course, authors have published under "pen names"
since the dawn of publishing, and newspapers and magazines
frequently publish letters to the editor with "name and
address withheld by request" as the signature line. Even
founding fathers Alexander Hamilton, James Madison and John
Jay, in authoring the seminal Federalist Papers in 1787 for
publication in the Letters columns of various New York City
newspapers, concealed their identities behind the now-famous
psuedonym "Publius".

What would you think if someone called a radio talk show
demanding to know the identity of a previous caller? Such a
demand would undoubtedly be seen as menacing and
inappropriate in that context. Yet that same demand seems
to arise without much challenge each time a handle shows up
in a computer conference. The authors of this article feel
that such demands should always be looked upon as
suspicious, and that it would be beneficial for moderators
to take upon themselves the responsibility of making sure
that besieged handle-users are aware of their right to
refuse such inappropriate demands.

It is reasonable to assume that privacy policies in
traditional media are the result of hard-won wisdom gained
from long experience. Are we so arrogant that we cannot
learn from others? It is not hard to imagine the sorts of
problems and experiences which shaped these policies in the
old media. Will we have to wait for similar problems to
occur on the computer networks before we learn?

* * * * *

PRIVACY AND SURVEILLANCE
------------------------

In an effort to identify people who fail to file tax
returns, the Internal Revenue Service is matching
its files against available lists of names and
addresses of U.S. citizens who have purchased
computers for home use. The IRS continues to seek
out sources for such information. This information
is matched against the IRS master file of taxpayers
to see if those who have not filed can be
identified.
[COMPUTERWORLD, Sept. 1985]

Date: Thu, 23 May 91 11:58:07 PDT
From: mmm@cup.portal.com
Subject: The RISKS of Posting to the Net
-
I just had an interesting visit from the FBI. It
seems that a posting I made to sci.space several
months ago had filtered through channels, caused the
FBI to open (or re-open) a file on me, and an agent
wanted to interview me, which I did voluntarily...
I then went on to tell him about the controversy
over Uunet, and their role in supplying archives of
Usenet traffic on tape to the FBI...
[RISKS Digest]

Also frequent are instances where computers are
seized incident to an unrelated arrest. For
example, on February 28, 1991, following an arrest
on charges of rape and battery, the Massachusetts
state and local police seized the suspect's computer
equipment. The suspect reportedly operated a 650-
subscriber bulletin board called "BEN," which is
described as "geared largely to a gay/leather/S&M
crowd." It is not clear what the board's seizure is
supposed to have accomplished, but the board is now
shut down, and the identities and messages of its
users are in the hands of the police.
[CONSTITUTIONAL, LEGAL, AND ETHICAL
CONSIDERATIONS FOR DEALING WITH ELECTRONIC
FILES IN THE AGE OF CYBERSPACE, Harvey A.
Silverglate and Thomas C. Viles]


Most of us have been brought up to be grateful for the fact
that we live in a nation where freedom is sacred. In other
countries, we are told as children, people are afraid to
speak their minds for fear they are being watched. Thank
God we live in America!

It would surprise most of us to learn that America is
currently among the premiere surveillance nations in the
world, but such, sadly, is indeed the case. Our leadership
in technology has helped the U.S. government to amass as
much information on its citizens as almost any other nation
in history, totalitarian or otherwise. And to make matters
worse, a consumer surveillance behemoth has sprung up
consisting of huge private data-collection agencies which
cater to business.

As Evan Hendricks, editor of "Privacy Times" (a Washington
D.C.-based newsletter) has put it: "You go through life
dropping bits and pieces of information about yourself
everywhere. Most people don't realize there are big vacuum
cleaners out there sucking it all up." [Wall Street
Journal, March 14, 1991].

To get an idea of how much of your privacy has already been
lost, consider the bits and pieces of information about
yourself which are already available to investigators, and
how thoroughly someone might come to know you by these clues
alone.

A person's lifestyle and personality are largely described,
for example, by his or her purchases and expenses; from your
checking account records -- which banks are required by law
to keep and make available to government investigators -- a
substantial portrait of your life will emerge. Credit card
records may reveal much of the same information, and can
also be used to track your movements. (In a recent case,
"missing" Massachusetts State Representative Timothy O'Leary
was tracked by credit-card transactions as he fled across
the country, and his movements were reported on the nightly
news!)

Then there are your school records, which include IQ and
other test results, comments on your "socialization" by
teachers and others, and may reveal family finances in great
detail. Employment and tax records reveal your present
income, as well as personal comments by employers and co-
workers. Your properties are another public record of your
income and lifestyle, and possibly your social status as
well. Telephone billing records reveal your personal and
business associations in more detail. Insurance records
reveal personal and family health histories and treatments.

All of this information is commonly accessed by government
and private or corporate investigators. And this list is
far from exhaustive!

Now consider how easily the computer networks lend
themselves to even further erosions of personal privacy. The
actual contents of our mail and telephone traffic have up to
now been subjected to deliberate scrutiny only under
extraordinary conditions. This built-in safety is due
primarily to the difficulty and expense of conducting
surveillance in these media, which usually requires extended
human intervention. But in the medium of computer
communications, most surveillance can be conducted using
automated monitoring techniques. Tools currently available
make it possible and even cost-effective for government and
other interests to monitor virtually everything which
happens here.

Why would anyone want to monitor network users? It is well
documented that, throughout the 1960s and 1970s, the FBI and
other agencies of government, in operations such as the
infamous COINTELPRO among others, spent a great deal of time
and effort collecting vast lists of names. As Computer
Underground Digest moderators Jim Thomas and Gordon Meyer
recalled in a recent commentary (CuD #3.42):

"A 1977 class action suit against the Michigan State
Police learned, through FOIA requests, that state and
federal agents would peruse letters to the editor of
newspapers and collect clippings of those whose politics
they did not like. These news clippings became the basis
of files on those persons that found there way into the
hands of other agencies and employers."

To get onto one of these government "enemies" lists, you
often needed to do nothing more than telephone an
organization under surveillance, or subscribe to the "wrong"
types of magazines and newspapers. Groups engaged in
political activism, including environmental and women's
rights organizations, were commonly infiltrated. The sort
of investigative reporting which uncovered these lists and
surveillances back in the '60s and '70s is now rare, but
there is little reason to assume that such activities have
ceased or even slowed. In fact, progressive computerization
of local police LEIU activities (Law Enforcement
Intelligence Units, commonly known as "red squads") suggests
that such activities may have greatly increased.

Within the realm of computer conferencing especially, there
is ample reason to believe that systematic monitoring is
being conducted by government and law-enforcement
organizations, and perhaps by other hostile interests as
well. In a recent issue of Telecom Digest
(comp.dcom.telecom), Craig Neidorf (knight@EFF.ORG) reported
on the results of a recent Freedom of Information Act
request for documents from the Secret Service:

" ... The documents also show that the Secret Service
established a computer database to keep track of
suspected computer hackers. This database contains
records of names, aliases, addresses, phone numbers,
known associates, a list of activities, and various
[conference postings] associated with each individual."

But the privacy issues which surround computer
communications go far beyond the collection of user lists.
Both government and industry have long pursued the elusive
grail of personality profiling on citizens and consumers. Up
to now, such ambitions have been restrained by the practical
difficulty and expense of collecting and analyzing large
amounts of information on large numbers of citizens. But
computer communications, more than any other technology,
seems to hold out the promise that this unholy grail may
finally be in sight.

To coin a phrase, never has so much been known by so few
about so many. The information commonly available to
government and industry investi-gators today is sufficient
to make reliable predictions about our personalities,
health, politics, future behavior, our vulnerabilities,
perhaps even about our innermost thoughts and feelings. The
privacy we all take for granted is, in fact, largely an
illusion; it no longer exists in most walks of life. If we
wish to preserve even the most basic minimum of personal
privacy, it seems clear that we need to take far better care
on the networks than we have taken elsewhere.

* * * * *

FREEDOM
-------

Human beings are the only species with a history.
Whether they also have a future is not so obvious.
The answer will lie in the prospects for popular
movements, with firm roots among all sectors of the
population, dedicated to values that are suppressed
or driven to the margins within the existing social
and political order...
[Noam Chomsky]


In your day-to-day social interactions, as you deal with
employers, clients, public officials, friends, acquaintances
and total strangers, how often do you feel you can really
speak freely? How comfortable are you discussing
controversial issues such as religion, taxes, politics,
racism, sexuality, abortion or AIDS, for example? Would you
consider it appropriate or wise to express an honest opinion
on such an issue to your boss, or a client? To your
neighbors?

Most of us confine such candid discussions to certain
"trusted" social contexts, such as when we are among our
closest friends. But when you post to a network conference,
your boss, your clients, and your neighbors may very well
read what you post -- if they are not on the nets today,
they probably will be soon, as will nearly everyone.

If we have to consider each post's possible impact on our
social and professional reputations, on our job security and
income, on our family's acceptance and safety in the
community, it could be reckless indeed to express ourselves
freely on the nets. Yet conferences are often geared to
controversy, and inhibitions on the free expression of
opinions can reduce traffic to a trickle, killing off an
important conference topic or distorting a valuable sampling
of public opinion.

More important still is the role computer networks are
beginning to play in the free and open dissemination of news
and information. Democracy is crippled if dissent and
diversity in the media are compromised; yet even here in the
U.S., where a "free press" is a cherished tradition, the
bulk of all the media is owned by a small (and ever-
shrinking) number of corporations, whose relatively narrow
culture, interests and perspec-tives largely shape the
public perception.

Computer communication, on the other hand, is by its nature
very difficult to control or shape. Its resources are
scattered; when one BBS goes bust (or is busted!), three
others spring up in its place. The natural resiliency of
computer communications (and other new, decentral-ized
information technologies such as fax, consumer camcorders
and cheap satellite links) is giving rise to a new brand of
global "guerrilla journalism" which includes everyone, and
defies efforts at suppression.

The power and value of this new journalistic freedom has
recently shown itself during the Gulf War, and throughout
Eastern Europe and the Soviet Union, as well as within the
U.S. Just think of the depth and detail of information
available on the nets regarding the Secret Service's recent
"Operation Sundevil" and associated activities, compared to
the grossly distorted, blatantly propagandistic coverage of
those same activities given to the general public through
the traditional media.

Historically, established power and wealth have seldom been
disposed to tolerate uncontrolled media, and recent events
in this country and elsewhere show that computer media are
sometimes seen as threats to established interests as well.
To understand the role of handles in this context, it is
useful to note the flurries of anti-handle sentiment which
have arisen in the wake of crackdowns such as Sundevil, or
the Tom Tcimpidis raid in the early 1980s. Although few
charges and fewer convictions have typically resulted from
such operations, one might be tempted to speculate that the
real purposes -- to terrorize the nets and chill freedoms of
speech and assembly thereon -- have been achieved.

In this way, sysops and moderators become unwitting
accomplices in the supression of freedom on the networks.
When real name requirements are instituted, anyone who fears
retaliation of any sort, by any group, will have to fear
participation in the nets; hence content is effectively
controlled. This consideration becomes especially important
as the nets expand into even more violent and repressive
countries outside the U.S.

We must decide whether freedom of information and open
public discussion are in fact among the goals of network
conferencing, and if so, whether handles have a role in
achieving these goals. As access to the networks grows, we
have a rare opportunity to frustrate the efforts of
governments and corporations to control the public mind! In
this way above all others, computers may have the potential
to shape the future of all mankind for the better.

* * * * *

A CALL TO ACTION
----------------


The move to electronic communication may be a turning
point that history will remember. Just as in
seventeenth and eighteenth century Great Britain and
America a few tracts and acts set precedents for
print by which we live today, so what we think and do
today may frame the information system for a
substantial period in the future.
[Ithiel de Sola Pool, "Technologies of Freedom", 1983]


There was a time when anybody with some gear and a few
batteries could become a radio broadcaster -- no license
required. There was a time when anyone with a sense of
adventure could buy a plane, and maybe get a contract to
carry mail. Those early technological pioneers were
probably unable to imagine the world as it is today, but
their influence is strongly felt in current laws,
regulations and policies with roots in the traditions and
philosophies they founded and shaped.

Today the new pioneers are knitting the world together with
computers, and the world is changing faster than ever. Law
and ethics are scrambling to keep up. How far will this
growth take us? No one can say for sure. But you don't
need a crystal ball to see that computer communications has
the potential to encompass and surpass all the functionality
of prior media -- print, post, telegraph, telephone, radio
and television -- and more. It seems reasonable to assume
that computer communications will be at least as ubiquitous
and important in the lives of our grandchildren as all the
older media have been in ours.

It will be a world whose outlines we can now make out only
dimly. But the foundations of that world are being built
today by those of us exploring and homesteading on the
electronic frontier. We need to look hard at what it will
take to survive in the information age.

In this article we have attempted to show, for one very
narrow issue, what some of the stakes may be in this future-
building game. But the risks associated with exposing your
name in a computer conference are not well defined, and
various people will no doubt assess the importance of these
risks differently. After all, most of us take risks every
day which are probably greater than the risks associated
with conferencing. We drive on the expressway. We eat
sushi. To some people, the risks of conferencing may seem
terrifying; to others, insignificant.

But let us not get side-tracked into unresolvable arguments
on the matter. The real issue here is not how dangerous
conferencing may or may not be; it is whether you and I will
be able to make our own decisions, and protect ourselves (or
not) as we see fit. The obvious answer is that users must
exercise their collective power to advance their own
interests, and to pressure sysops and moderators to become
more sensitive to user concerns.

To help in that effort, we would like to recommend the
following guidelines for user action:

-- Bear in mind John Perry Barlow's observation that
"Liberties are preserved by using them". Let your
sysop know that you would prefer to be using a
handle, and use one wherever you can.

-- Try to support boards and conferences which allow
handles, and avoid those which don't.

-- When using a handle, BEHAVE RESPONSIBLY! There will
always be irresponsible users on the nets, and they
will always use handles. It is important for the
rest of us to fight common anti-handle prejudices by
showing that handles are NOT always the mark of an
irresponsible user!

-- Educate others about the importance of handles (but
NEVER argue or flame anyone about it).

To sysops and moderators: We ask you to bear in mind that
authority is often used best where it is used least. Grant
users the right to engage in any harmless and responsible
behaviors they choose. Protect your interests in ways which
tread as lightly as possible upon the interests of others.
The liberties you preserve may be your own!

In building the computer forums of today, we are building
the social fabric of tomorrow. If we wish to preserve the
free and open atmosphere which has made computer networking
a powerful force, while at the same time taking care against
the risks inherent in such a force, handles seem to be a
remarkably harmless, entertaining and effective tool to help
us. Let's not throw that tool away.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
[end of excerpt]


--
David Collier-Brown, | davecb@Nexus.YorkU.CA | lethe!dave
72 Abitibi Ave., |
Willowdale, Ontario, | He's so smart he's dumb.
CANADA. 416-223-8968 | -- Joyce Collier-Brown

From caf-talk Caf Jun 10 00:17:10 1992
<r><COLOR color="#00FF40"><s></s>Official MuscleTalk Representative<e></e></COLOR></r>
Reply
#49
It started out as just another Saturday. April 26, 1986. John R.
MacDougall, 25, spent the day alone at his satellite TV dealership in Ocala,
Florida, waiting for customers who never came. "It was," he says, "a normal
day in the doldrums of the satellite TV industry." But that night, MacDougall,
5 feet 11, 225 pounds, and prone to nervously running his fingers through his
reddish blond hair and adjusting his glasses, would transform into Captain
Midnight and set the world of satellite television spinning.

Business had been flat since January 15, when Home Box Office became the
first pay TV service to scramble its signal full time. Other services were
following HBO's lead. Dish owners were balking at the cost of descramblers and
program fees. Potential customers were confused and stayed away in droves.The
1985 boom in dish sales had simply petered out, and MacDougall Electronics, in
business for just two-and-a-half years, had seen its early profits disappear.

American Dream

MacDougall had stopped advertising and turned off his air-conditioner to save
money. With no customers, he idled away the day watching TV and reading
magazines. Later, he would say, "I have been watching the great American dream
slip from my grasp."

To make ends meet, MacDougall spent his evenings moonlighting as a part-time
operations engineer at Central Florida Teleport, a local company that uplinks
services to satellites. He was a natural electronics engineer. A good
student, he had spent his spare time during his teenage years tinkering with CB
radios and automobiles. With some pals, he rebuilt a 1923 Ford roadster that
he still owns. He had dropped out of a management engineering course at
Worcester Polytechnical Institute in Massachusetts after two years, but his
first job was installing satellite TV dishes."My father used to tell me I would
need to get a job where I would be able to make money by watching TV just
because I liked TV so much," he says. At Central Florida Teleport, he could do
just that. At 4 p.m. on that Saturday, MacDougall shut up shop. He stopped
at his home, where he lived alone, picked up a sandwich for supper, and then
reported to the teleport. After two hours, a second engineer went off duty and
MacDougall was alone in the small building that is flanked on one side by five
large satellite dishes.

As the end of his shift drew near, MacDougall was absently watching Pee-Wee's
Big Adventure, a movie he was uplinking for the now-defunct pay-per-view
service, People's Choice. But something else was on his mind. When the film
ended, MacDougall went through the normal routine. Before logging off, he set
up color bars and punched buttons to swing the giant 30 foot dish he'd been
using to its resting place. That was necessary because the soil beneath the
dish's cement pad is sandy clay. Rainfall could throw it off-kilter, but by
setting it in a certain way the rain runs harmlessly into a gutter. At its
resting place, the dish points directly at the satellite Galaxy 1.
Transpondedr 23 on that satellite carries the eastern feed of HBO. "That's
when I decided to do it,"says MacDougall. "It wasn't like I thought about it,
'Yes. No. Yes. No.' It was just, 'Yeah!'" He scrolled up a character
generator, and electronic keyboard that puts letters across the TV screen, and
tried to think what to write. "I didn't know exactly how to start it," he
says. "I wrote 'Goodevening." I wanted to be polite. I didn't want it to be
vulgar or call them names or anything. That's not my style."

He spent a couple of minutes composing his message. The idea of using the
name Captain Midnight, he says, "just popped into my mind." He had recently
seen a movie with that title about a teenager who had a pirate radio station in
his van. Now HBO was airing the Sean Penn and Timothy Hutton espionage movie,
The Falcon and the Snowman. It was at 12:32 a.m. Sunday, April 27, that John
R. MacDougall pushed the transmit button on his console and turned into
Captain Midnight. "That's when I hit it," he says. "It was almost like an
out-of-body experience. It was like I was there but I wasn't really there."

For 4 1/2 minutes, HBO viewers in the eastern United States saw this message:

GOODEVENING HBO
FROM CAPTAIN MIDNIGHT
$12.95/MONTH?
NO WAY!
(SHOWTIME/MOVIE CHANNEL BEWARE)

A week earlier, MacDougall had successfully overridden HBO's powerful signal
momentarily with just a test pattern. (He now publicly denies this, but he
admitted it to a United States attorney.) The network had quickly brushed that
signal aside, attributing it to not uncommon accidental interference. This
time, the engineer on duty at HBO's Long Island, New York, uplink station
simply stepped up the signal's power. HBO was transmitting at 125 watts. When
Captain Midnight applied more power, the HBO engineer revved up to match it.
"He saw the interference and saw that he was losing a grip on things," says
George Dillon, an engineer who investigated the episode for the enforcement and
investigative division of the Federal Communications Commission. "This little
game took 60 to 90 seconds. You had these two people at their respective
stations fighting for control."

As Captain Midnight's signal surged, HBO placed a frantic call to Hughes
Communications Inc., which owns Galaxy 1, asking: "Is there something wrong
with the bird?" Says Dillon, "HBO thought it might cause damage to the
satellite, so they gave it up.

NEVER LOST CONTROL

In Ocala, Captain Midnight was stunned. "I could see my signal on top of
HBO's as soon as I hit the transmit button," says MacDougall. "I stared at the
monitor for a while, and then I didn't know if it was two minutes or 10
minutes." Caught up with engineering curiosity, he monitored power levels and
downlink signals. "At no time," he says, "did I lose control over the
transponder." But then, as suddenly as he had struck, he quit. "When I shut it
off, I really didn't know how long I had been on top of HBO, but that's when I
started to feel very guilty," he says. "I thought, "Ohmigod, what did I do?'
That thought raced through my mind for the next 10 or 15 minutes as I
reconfigured the teleport back to normal. The guilt really set in that night.
I didn't sleep very well."

On Sunday morning he woke up to the same nagging doubts. "I thought maybe I
should turn myself in. But then I thought, 'Well, let's be rational. Nobody's
going to see it. Nobody cares. HBO will know. They'll get the message.
They'll reconsider their arbitrary and unfair pricing, and maybe I'll read
about it in a few months in Satellite Orbit. That's basically how I
rationalized, not panicking, and went on with my daily routine that Sunday.'

Then he saw that Captain Midnight's HBO ambush was making TV's network
newscasts, and he began to panic. "I was devastated and so nervous with
frustration. I had to work that night at the teleport. Another man was going
to be there for the first two hours. When he got there I had to pretend and
say things like, "Dkid you see this guy Captain Midnight? Geez, do you realize
what in the world, he could have done?' That was difficult."

Normally, MacDougall's natural curiosity would have made him the first to
want to discuss how it was done. But as the event made national headlines and
became fodder for jokes by David Letterman and Johnny Carson, he went the other
way, trying to play it down. The tension grew as HBO clamored for his head,
and the FCC and even Congress got involved.

On April 28, HBO chairman Michael J. Fuchs wrote to the FCC saying that the
company had received calls threatening to move Galaxy 1 into a new orbit. He
urged the Commission to "use all its investigative resources" to capture
Captain Midnight.

"This wasn't just a jamming, but a jamming and replacement. And a
fascinating one at that," says HBO spokesman Alan Levy. "That's why you saw a
lot of action on this case. We understand that the dish owners are at odds
with the programmers, but when you escalate it to this point, it gets a little
wild and woolly. And when you're breaking the satellite system of the United
States, it's very serious."

FCC investigator Dillon says the implications of the incident involved a
threat to the national security. "There's lots of highly sensitive data
involved. If you have a bandit, it could disrupt the business of the United
States--things like defense communications, medical information, telephone
communications, and teleconferences.

Edgar Eagan, owner of Central Florida Teleport, took the incident very
seriously. "He logged out and signed the log and decided to stay and play,"
says Eagan, founder and past president of ESPN, the sports network. "In
reality he was using the equipment for an unauthorized and illegal purpose."

RUMORS GALORE

As the investigation proceeded, rumors abounded. Satellite TV publications
and television commentators received calls and tapes from people claiming to be
Captain Midnight. The FBI was said to be on the case, and the hunt was rumored
to focus on Dallas, Texas.

In Ocala, MacDougall had decided to "play it dumb." Discreetly, he talked to
colleagues in the satellite TV business to find out how the investigation was
going. But gradually he could not resist discussing the incident with other
engineers and operators who talked about what happens when two signals meet on
a single transponder. He was outraged when they dismissed his observations.

"I don't like to say this, but even the more skilled personnel were of the
assumption that you would never get a clear signal with two signals feeding on
the same channel," MacDougall says. "I brought out the fact that if one was
much stronger than the other, it would override it. At that point they told me
I was wrong, and that I didn't know what I was talking about.

"All of my life people have never taken my word for things because I've
always seemed to be a little younger than they are, and maybe a little less
experienced, but I've always come up with the right answer. They didn't seem
to believe my theory. Well, I guess they ought to believe it now, because I
was right."

THE TIP OFF

It was a phone call made by a disgruntled dish owner from Ocala that
concentrated the FCC's investigation on the Central Florida Teleport. Someone
claiming to be Captain Midnight was overheard by a tourist from Wisconsin at a
phone booth just off Interstate 75 in Gainesville, Florida. The tourist
reported the conversation and the man's license plate number to the FCC.
MacDougall says the impostor was a customer of his, but he doesn't know his
last name. Again, he was outraged. "He was very militant about scrambling and
the cable progra business, and not tried to make out like some kind of hero, I
would still be panicking and wondering whether they were going to come and get
me."

MacDougall's voice rises as he exclaims, "I still can't believe this guy
actually told people he was Captain Midnight and MacDougall says the only time
he broke the law was driving over the 55 mph speed limit. "I never even bought
beer under age. I was a model citizen," he says earnestly.

FCC MOVES IN

In July, FCC investigators talked to MacDougall, asking questions that led
him to believe they knew what had happened. He told them he hadn't done it,
and that he had no knowledge of the incident, but then he really began to
worry. "I was very concerned about it, but I didn't let on," he says. "I'm
able to hide my feelings very well. I can just about convince people I'm a
total raving maniac at the same time."

Two weeks later, the FCC returned. This time, they brought along U.S.
Attorney Lawrence Gentile III, who served MacDougall with a subpoena to appear
in U.S. District Court in Jacksonville. According to MacDougall, their
conversation went like this:

"What's this for?" MacDougall asked when Gentile held out the subpoena.

"Captain Midnight," answered Gentile. "Aren't you aware that you're a
suspect in this incident?"

"You're trying to tell me that just because I'm a satellite dish dealer and I
happened to work for a teleport, I'm a suspect? responded MacDougall.

"There are other things," replied Gentile.

"Well, what are they?" asked MacDougall.

"We can't discuss it here," said Gentile. "We can talk about it in front of
the grand jury. You need to think very carefully about this. You seem like a
level-headed man, but you don't seem to be taking this seriously. This is a
serious time. You might want to consult with an attorney."

"Attorney for what?" questioned MacDougall. "I haven't done anything. An
innocent man does not need an attorney. The only people who hire attorneys are
guilty people."

According to MacDougall, Gentile then attempted to reach an agreement with
him. "If you would be willing to talk to us about this and tell us what you
know about this incident right now," said Gentile, "I'd be willing to recommend
probation to the judge and a small fine. Probation and a fine are not bad
considering what you're facing. Let's face it, Mr. MacDougall, this is not
the crime of the century. However, we have been getting a lot of pressure on
this."

MacDougall said at that point he began to think there was not enough evidence
to convict him; otherwise he wouldn't have been offered a plea bargain. Still
claiming innocence, MacDougall told Gentile he would see him in Jacksonville.

MacDougall's first brief jamming raid on HBO led investigators to strongly
suspect him. The investigation had been narrowed down to uplink stations with
the capacity to pull off both raids, and then to those manned by the same
person at the time of each incident. "We had a very good idea he was our man,"
says Gentile. "Of all the people I talked with, he was the only one I gave
target warnings to [the equivalent of the Miranda warnings police give when
they make an arrest]. "He says he leaned on MacDougall "pretty hard."

MEET CAPTAIN MIDNIGHT

Taking Gentile's advice, MacDougall contacted an Ocala attorney, John Green
Jr. When they first met, MacDougall recalls, "he said, 'Well, John, tell me
about Captain Midnight.' And I reached out my hand and said, 'Well, here,
that's me.'"

Green advised him that he had a 70-percent chance of winning the case. If
convicted, he faced a $100,000 fine and/or one year in jail. But MacDougall
decided to enter a plea of guilty. "There were two reasons," he said. "I
could release my guilt, plead guilty, and get it over with, do the right thing.
That kept panging at me: do the right thing. But the other side, the
activist, kept saying, 'Stand up for your rights.' My idealism and my activism
were combating my conservative upbringing and my conservative political
leanings. They were battling back and forth, and I was at my wits' end. I
didn't know what to do."

MacDougall also worried about going before the grand jury and trying to lie
his way out of the charge. "I would not have wanted to take a midemeanor and
make it a felony by committing perjury," he says. In the end, the determining
factor was money. Green advised his client that going to trial could take 6 to
12 months and cost $30,000 to $40,000. "During that time," MacDougall says, "I
couldn't have said anything, and I would have been bombarded by the press. It
would have been a nightmare."

Fighting and then losing the case was always a possibility, and MacDougall
conjured up nightmares of what that might entail. "This was a federal
penitentiary they could have sent me to," he said. "The concept just didn't
register, to be sitting eating lunch with the other convicts in striped
uniforms, and a guy says, 'Hey, what are you in for?" And I say, 'Oh, I
operated a trnsmitter without a license.' I couldn't take the risk."

FUN EDUCATION

By the time he went to the federal court on July 22 and went through the
arrest procedure, which included being photographed and fingerprinted,
MacDougall's curiosity was back in full force. "If I hadn't been directly
involved, it probably would have been a fun educational experience," he says.
"You can't just plead guilty to a crime. It's hours and hours of discussion,
and you have to prove to the prosecutor, and also the judge, that you are
guilty. Then, you have to prove you weren't coerced into making the statement,
and that you have knowledge of your rights." MacDougall says officials at both
the July 22 hearing and the sentencing, on August 26, were surprisingly
cordial. He speaks of smiles, handshakes from marshals, and understanding from
U.S. Magistrate Howard T. Snyder, who fined him $5,000 and placed him on one
year's probation. "I'm glad to see that the legal system does work," he says.

Meanwhile, although convicted in court, MacDougall had become a hero to many
dish owners and satellite TV dealers. A group calling itself the Captain
Midnight Grassroots Coalition had formed and was selling bumper stickers,
T-shirts, visors, and sweat bands to raise money for MacDougall's legal costs.
Said Donald Cochran, spokesman for the coalition: "While there are those who
consider Captain Midnight a criminal for his unauthorized transmissions, there
is another group made up of home satellite dish owners, small business people,
and rebels, who support his actions as a non-violent and non-destructive
protest in the best American tradition."

THE RIGHT REASONS

MacDougall says he has had no direct involvement with the coalition, but he
adds, "I would like to see my own industry support me in this. Even though I
may have done more harm than good, as some people think, I did it for the right
reasons."

Central Florida Teleport owner Eagan, on the other hand, says that local
opinion in Ocala and surrounding Marion County has gotten "silly." When the
coalition presented MacDougall with its first donation, a check for $500, in
September, a crowd gathered outside his office, and drivers of passing cars and
pickup trucks honked their horns. Says Eagan, "There's a group of people here
who think that John MacDougall is a wonderful man and a great hero who has done
wonderful things for them. But to me, that has not been placed in the
perspective of the world view or even the regional view. Ninety-nine and nine
tenths [percent] of the people don't agree."

Eagan says the only positive thing to come out of the incident was that
MacDougall was in the home dish business and so there was at least a reason for
him to have done it. "If it had been some crackpot who did it just for the
hell of it, or an employee being vindictive, then the corporate community would
have been more upset. This way they can say, 'We're not the target, HBO was.'"

Still, the FCC is stepping up security. It has moved to require that by the
end of 1987 every radio and television transmitter must use an electronic name
tag whenever it is on the air. Each satellite uplink station would leave a
unique, unchangeable electronic signature whenever it was used. Also, a bill
is being drafted in Congress that would raise the penalty for satellite
interference to a $250,000 fine and/or 10 years in jail.

SCRAMBLING A REALITY

HBO's Levy says that now that scrambling is a reality, he believes consumers
are dropping their emotional resistance to it. "We were the first ones to
scramble," he says. "We got the arrows in the back and we were the ones to get
jammed. We're over the first hurdle. HBO wants its products in every home in
America. We are attempting to increase our business through home dish owners.
We're calling for the marketplace to set the price. It wouldn't make sense for
HBO to stifle its growth.

MacDougall says he never contested the right of HBO and other programmers to
make a profit from their programs, nor did he object to their right to protect
those profits by scrambling signals. "My real concern is that the free and
competitive marketplace be allowed to operate for the benefit of the American
people," he says. Now, he believes that the last line of Captain Midnight's
message [Showtime/Movie Channel Beware!] was misunderstood and got him into a
lot of trouble. "It was a bad choice of words on my part," he says. "I was
just trying to tell them: "Look before you leap. Don't follow HBO as the
leader.'"

It was, he says, the act of a frustrated individual who was trying to get his
point across to people who didn't seem to listen. He hopes no one will try to
imitate what he did: "The message is now out; there's no reason to do it
again."

MacDougall was born in Elmhurst, Illinois, just outside Chicago. His mother,
Thelma is a homemaker, and his father, Robert, was a successful building
contractor, who retired when MacDougall was 9. The youngest of three brothers
and one sister, MacDougall moved to Florida with his family shortly after his
father's retirement at the age of 47. MacDougall speaks often of his father.
Although his entire family supported him after the HBO incident, he says, "My
father is of the old school, a very staunch conservative: the law is the law,
and it should never be broken."

WAS IT WORTH IT?

MacDougall says he doesn't know now if playing Captain Midnight was worth it
all: "I might be able to better answer that in a couple of months." He intends
to write a book about the incident and plans to continue holding on with his
satellite TV business in Ocala. He says that like many small businessmen, he
didn't start off with enough money, although he did turn a profit in his first
year. "I'm losing money now and a good businessman doesn't lose money," he
admits. "I didn't buy expensive food. I bought cheap gas for my car. I cut
everything I could and I'm still losing. Now, I can barely plan a month ahead
because of the volatile changes in the business. You never know what's going
to happen the next day."

MacDougall believes in himself, although he says he's not a great salesman.
He lost his job at the Central Florida Teleport before he was revealed as
Captain Midnight, because People's Choice went off the air. But all the
publicity has resulted in more repair business from dish owners, and he says
manufacturers return his calls quicker now. "There's a certain pride that goes
into my systems," he says. "I sell a part of myself with each system."

For all his public declarations of regret, there is also an undeniable pride
in having pulled off the notorious HBO raid. "Did I know it would work?" asks
Captain Midnight.

"DEFINITELY!"


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#50
The Project Gutenberg EBook of Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Complete
by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)

This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with almost
no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use
it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this
eBook or online at www.gutenberg.net

Title: Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Complete

Author: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)

Release Date: August 20, 2006 [EBook #76]

Last Updated: October 20, 2012]

Language: English


*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HUCKLEBERRY FINN ***

Produced by David Widger





ADVENTURES

OF

HUCKLEBERRY FINN

(Tom Sawyer's Comrade)

By Mark Twain

Complete




CONTENTS.

CHAPTER I. Civilizing Huck.—Miss Watson.—Tom Sawyer Waits.

CHAPTER II. The Boys Escape Jim.—Torn Sawyer's Gang.—Deep-laid Plans.

CHAPTER III. A Good Going-over.—Grace Triumphant.—"One of Tom Sawyers's
Lies".

CHAPTER IV. Huck and the Judge.—Superstition.

CHAPTER V. Huck's Father.—The Fond Parent.—Reform.

CHAPTER VI. He Went for Judge Thatcher.—Huck Decided to Leave.—Political
Economy.—Thrashing Around.

CHAPTER VII. Laying for Him.—Locked in the Cabin.—Sinking the
Body.—Resting.

CHAPTER VIII. Sleeping in the Woods.—Raising the Dead.—Exploring the
Island.—Finding Jim.—Jim's Escape.—Signs.—Balum.

CHAPTER IX. The Cave.—The Floating House.

CHAPTER X. The Find.—Old Hank Bunker.—In Disguise.

CHAPTER XI. Huck and the Woman.—The Search.—Prevarication.—Going to
Goshen.

CHAPTER XII. Slow Navigation.—Borrowing Things.—Boarding the Wreck.—The
Plotters.—Hunting for the Boat.

CHAPTER XIII. Escaping from the Wreck.—The Watchman.—Sinking.

CHAPTER XIV. A General Good Time.—The Harem.—French.

CHAPTER XV. Huck Loses the Raft.—In the Fog.—Huck Finds the Raft.—Trash.

CHAPTER XVI. Expectation.—A White Lie.—Floating Currency.—Running by
Cairo.—Swimming Ashore.

CHAPTER XVII. An Evening Call.—The Farm in Arkansaw.—Interior
Decorations.—Stephen Dowling Bots.—Poetical Effusions.

CHAPTER XVIII. Col. Grangerford.—Aristocracy.—Feuds.—The
Testament.—Recovering the Raft.—The Wood—pile.—Pork and Cabbage.

CHAPTER XIX. Tying Up Day—times.—An Astronomical Theory.—Running a
Temperance Revival.—The Duke of Bridgewater.—The Troubles of Royalty.

CHAPTER XX. Huck Explains.—Laying Out a Campaign.—Working the
Camp—meeting.—A Pirate at the Camp—meeting.—The Duke as a Printer.

CHAPTER XXI. Sword Exercise.—Hamlet's Soliloquy.—They Loafed Around
Town.—A Lazy Town.—Old Boggs.—Dead.

CHAPTER XXII. Sherburn.—Attending the Circus.—Intoxication in the
Ring.—The Thrilling Tragedy.

CHAPTER XXIII. Sold.—Royal Comparisons.—Jim Gets Home-sick.

CHAPTER XXIV. Jim in Royal Robes.—They Take a Passenger.—Getting
Information.—Family Grief.

CHAPTER XXV. Is It Them?—Singing the "Doxologer."—Awful Square—Funeral
Orgies.—A Bad Investment .

CHAPTER XXVI. A Pious King.—The King's Clergy.—She Asked His
Pardon.—Hiding in the Room.—Huck Takes the Money.

CHAPTER XXVII. The Funeral.—Satisfying Curiosity.—Suspicious of
Huck,—Quick Sales and Small.

CHAPTER XXVIII. The Trip to England.—"The Brute!"—Mary Jane Decides to
Leave.—Huck Parting with Mary Jane.—Mumps.—The Opposition Line.

CHAPTER XXIX. Contested Relationship.—The King Explains the Loss.—A
Question of Handwriting.—Digging up the Corpse.—Huck Escapes.

CHAPTER XXX. The King Went for Him.—A Royal Row.—Powerful Mellow.

CHAPTER XXXI. Ominous Plans.—News from Jim.—Old Recollections.—A Sheep
Story.—Valuable Information.

CHAPTER XXXII. Still and Sunday—like.—Mistaken Identity.—Up a Stump.—In
a Dilemma.

CHAPTER XXXIII. A Nigger Stealer.—Southern Hospitality.—A Pretty Long
Blessing.—Tar and Feathers.

CHAPTER XXXIV. The Hut by the Ash Hopper.—Outrageous.—Climbing the
Lightning Rod.—Troubled with Witches.

CHAPTER XXXV. Escaping Properly.—Dark Schemes.—Discrimination in
Stealing.—A Deep Hole.

CHAPTER XXXVI. The Lightning Rod.—His Level Best.—A Bequest to
Posterity.—A High Figure.

CHAPTER XXXVII. The Last Shirt.—Mooning Around.—Sailing Orders.—The
Witch Pie.

CHAPTER XXXVIII. The Coat of Arms.—A Skilled Superintendent.—Unpleasant
Glory.—A Tearful Subject.

CHAPTER XXXIX. Rats.—Lively Bed—fellows.—The Straw Dummy.

CHAPTER XL. Fishing.—The Vigilance Committee.—A Lively Run.—Jim Advises
a Doctor.

CHAPTER XLI. The Doctor.—Uncle Silas.—Sister Hotchkiss.—Aunt Sally in
Trouble.

CHAPTER XLII. Tom Sawyer Wounded.—The Doctor's Story.—Tom
Confesses.—Aunt Polly Arrives.—Hand Out Them Letters .

CHAPTER THE LAST. Out of Bondage.—Paying the Captive.—Yours Truly, Huck
Finn.




ILLUSTRATIONS.

The Widows

Moses and the "Bulrushers"

Miss Watson

Huck Stealing Away

They Tip-toed Along

Jim

Tom Sawyer's Band of Robbers

Huck Creeps into his Window

Miss Watson's Lecture

The Robbers Dispersed

Rubbing the Lamp

! ! ! !

Judge Thatcher surprised

Jim Listening

"Pap"

Huck and his Father

Reforming the Drunkard

Falling from Grace

The Widows

Moses and the "Bulrushers"

Miss Watson

Huck Stealing Away

They Tip-toed Along

Jim

Tom Sawyer's Band of Robbers

Huck Creeps into his Window

Miss Watson's Lecture

The Robbers Dispersed

Rubbing the Lamp

! ! ! !

Judge Thatcher surprised

Jim Listening

"Pap"

Huck and his Father

Reforming the Drunkard

Falling from Grace

Getting out of the Way

Solid Comfort

Thinking it Over

Raising a Howl

"Git Up"

The Shanty

Shooting the Pig

Taking a Rest

In the Woods

Watching the Boat

Discovering the Camp Fire

Jim and the Ghost

Misto Bradish's Nigger

Exploring the Cave

In the Cave

Jim sees a Dead Man

They Found Eight Dollars

Jim and the Snake

Old Hank Bunker

"A Fair Fit"

"Come In"

"Him and another Man"

She puts up a Snack

"Hump Yourself"

On the Raft

He sometimes Lifted a Chicken

"Please don't, Bill"

"It ain't Good Morals"

"Oh! Lordy, Lordy!"

In a Fix

"Hello, What's Up?"

The Wreck

We turned in and Slept

Turning over the Truck

Solomon and his Million Wives

The story of "Sollermun"

"We Would Sell the Raft"

Among the Snags

Asleep on the Raft

"Something being Raftsman"

"Boy, that's a Lie"

"Here I is, Huck"

Climbing up the Bank

"Who's There?"

"Buck"

"It made Her look Spidery"

"They got him out and emptied Him"

The House

Col. Grangerford

Young Harney Shepherdson

Miss Charlotte

"And asked me if I Liked Her"

"Behind the Wood-pile"

Hiding Day-times

"And Dogs a-Coming"

"By rights I am a Duke!"

"I am the Late Dauphin"

Tail Piece

On the Raft

The King as Juliet

"Courting on the Sly"

"A Pirate for Thirty Years"

Another little Job

Practizing

Hamlet's Soliloquy

"Gimme a Chaw"

A Little Monthly Drunk

The Death of Boggs

Sherburn steps out

A Dead Head

He shed Seventeen Suits

Tragedy

Their Pockets Bulged

Henry the Eighth in Boston Harbor

Harmless

Adolphus

He fairly emptied that Young Fellow

"Alas, our Poor Brother"

"You Bet it is"

Leaking

Making up the "Deffisit"

Going for him

The Doctor

The Bag of Money

The Cubby

Supper with the Hare-Lip

Honest Injun

The Duke looks under the Bed

Huck takes the Money

A Crack in the Dining-room Door

The Undertaker

"He had a Rat!"

"Was you in my Room?"

Jawing

In Trouble

Indignation

How to Find Them

He Wrote

Hannah with the Mumps

The Auction

The True Brothers

The Doctor leads Huck

The Duke Wrote

"Gentlemen, Gentlemen!"

"Jim Lit Out"

The King shakes Huck

The Duke went for Him

Spanish Moss

"Who Nailed Him?"

Thinking

He gave him Ten Cents

Striking for the Back Country

Still and Sunday-like

She hugged him tight

"Who do you reckon it is?"

"It was Tom Sawyer"

"Mr. Archibald Nichols, I presume?"

A pretty long Blessing

Traveling By Rail

Vittles

A Simple Job

Witches

Getting Wood

One of the Best Authorities

The Breakfast-Horn

Smouching the Knives

Going down the Lightning-Rod

Stealing spoons

Tom advises a Witch Pie

The Rubbage-Pile

"Missus, dey's a Sheet Gone"

In a Tearing Way

One of his Ancestors

Jim's Coat of Arms

A Tough Job

Buttons on their Tails

Irrigation

Keeping off Dull Times

Sawdust Diet

Trouble is Brewing

Fishing

Every one had a Gun

Tom caught on a Splinter

Jim advises a Doctor

The Doctor

Uncle Silas in Danger

Old Mrs. Hotchkiss

Aunt Sally talks to Huck

Tom Sawyer wounded

The Doctor speaks for Jim

Tom rose square up in Bed

"Hand out them Letters"

Out of Bondage

Tom's Liberality

Yours Truly




EXPLANATORY

IN this book a number of dialects are used, to wit: the Missouri negro
dialect; the extremest form of the backwoods Southwestern dialect; the
ordinary "Pike County" dialect; and four modified varieties of this
last. The shadings have not been done in a haphazard fashion, or by
guesswork; but painstakingly, and with the trustworthy guidance and
support of personal familiarity with these several forms of speech.

I make this explanation for the reason that without it many readers
would suppose that all these characters were trying to talk alike and
not succeeding.

THE AUTHOR.




HUCKLEBERRY FINN

Scene: The Mississippi Valley Time: Forty to fifty years ago




CHAPTER I.

YOU don't know about me without you have read a book by the name of The
Adventures of Tom Sawyer; but that ain't no matter. That book was made
by Mr. Mark Twain, and he told the truth, mainly. There was things
which he stretched, but mainly he told the truth. That is nothing. I
never seen anybody but lied one time or another, without it was Aunt
Polly, or the widow, or maybe Mary. Aunt Polly—Tom's Aunt Polly, she
is—and Mary, and the Widow Douglas is all told about in that book, which
is mostly a true book, with some stretchers, as I said before.

Now the way that the book winds up is this: Tom and me found the money
that the robbers hid in the cave, and it made us rich. We got six
thousand dollars apiece—all gold. It was an awful sight of money when
it was piled up. Well, Judge Thatcher he took it and put it out
at interest, and it fetched us a dollar a day apiece all the year
round—more than a body could tell what to do with. The Widow Douglas
she took me for her son, and allowed she would sivilize me; but it was
rough living in the house all the time, considering how dismal regular
and decent the widow was in all her ways; and so when I couldn't stand
it no longer I lit out. I got into my old rags and my sugar-hogshead
again, and was free and satisfied. But Tom Sawyer he hunted me up and
said he was going to start a band of robbers, and I might join if I
would go back to the widow and be respectable. So I went back.

The widow she cried over me, and called me a poor lost lamb, and she
called me a lot of other names, too, but she never meant no harm by
it. She put me in them new clothes again, and I couldn't do nothing but
sweat and sweat, and feel all cramped up. Well, then, the old thing
commenced again. The widow rung a bell for supper, and you had to come
to time. When you got to the table you couldn't go right to eating, but
you had to wait for the widow to tuck down her head and grumble a little
over the victuals, though there warn't really anything the matter with
them,—that is, nothing only everything was cooked by itself. In a
barrel of odds and ends it is different; things get mixed up, and the
juice kind of swaps around, and the things go better.

After supper she got out her book and learned me about Moses and the
Bulrushers, and I was in a sweat to find out all about him; but by and
by she let it out that Moses had been dead a considerable long time; so
then I didn't care no more about him, because I don't take no stock in
dead people.

Pretty soon I wanted to smoke, and asked the widow to let me. But she
wouldn't. She said it was a mean practice and wasn't clean, and I must
try to not do it any more. That is just the way with some people. They
get down on a thing when they don't know nothing about it. Here she was
a-bothering about Moses, which was no kin to her, and no use to anybody,
being gone, you see, yet finding a power of fault with me for doing a
thing that had some good in it. And she took snuff, too; of course that
was all right, because she done it herself.

Her sister, Miss Watson, a tolerable slim old maid, with goggles on,
had just come to live with her, and took a set at me now with a
spelling-book. She worked me middling hard for about an hour, and then
the widow made her ease up. I couldn't stood it much longer. Then for
an hour it was deadly dull, and I was fidgety. Miss Watson would say,
"Don't put your feet up there, Huckleberry;" and "Don't scrunch up
like that, Huckleberry—set up straight;" and pretty soon she would
say, "Don't gap and stretch like that, Huckleberry—why don't you try to
behave?" Then she told me all about the bad place, and I said I wished
I was there. She got mad then, but I didn't mean no harm. All I wanted
was to go somewheres; all I wanted was a change, I warn't particular.
She said it was wicked to say what I said; said she wouldn't say it for
the whole world; she was going to live so as to go to the good place.
Well, I couldn't see no advantage in going where she was going, so I
made up my mind I wouldn't try for it. But I never said so, because it
would only make trouble, and wouldn't do no good.

Now she had got a start, and she went on and told me all about the good
place. She said all a body would have to do there was to go around all
day long with a harp and sing, forever and ever. So I didn't think
much of it. But I never said so. I asked her if she reckoned Tom Sawyer
would go there, and she said not by a considerable sight. I was glad
about that, because I wanted him and me to be together.

Miss Watson she kept pecking at me, and it got tiresome and lonesome.
By and by they fetched the niggers in and had prayers, and then
everybody was off to bed. I went up to my room with a piece of candle,
and put it on the table. Then I set down in a chair by the window and
tried to think of something cheerful, but it warn't no use. I felt
so lonesome I most wished I was dead. The stars were shining, and the
leaves rustled in the woods ever so mournful; and I heard an owl, away
off, who-whooing about somebody that was dead, and a whippowill and a
dog crying about somebody that was going to die; and the wind was trying
to whisper something to me, and I couldn't make out what it was, and so
it made the cold shivers run over me. Then away out in the woods I heard
that kind of a sound that a ghost makes when it wants to tell about
something that's on its mind and can't make itself understood, and so
can't rest easy in its grave, and has to go about that way every night
grieving. I got so down-hearted and scared I did wish I had some
company. Pretty soon a spider went crawling up my shoulder, and I
flipped it off and it lit in the candle; and before I could budge it
was all shriveled up. I didn't need anybody to tell me that that was
an awful bad sign and would fetch me some bad luck, so I was scared
and most shook the clothes off of me. I got up and turned around in my
tracks three times and crossed my breast every time; and then I tied
up a little lock of my hair with a thread to keep witches away. But
I hadn't no confidence. You do that when you've lost a horseshoe that
you've found, instead of nailing it up over the door, but I hadn't ever
heard anybody say it was any way to keep off bad luck when you'd killed
a spider.

I set down again, a-shaking all over, and got out my pipe for a smoke;
for the house was all as still as death now, and so the widow wouldn't
know. Well, after a long time I heard the clock away off in the town
go boom—boom—boom—twelve licks; and all still again—stiller than
ever. Pretty soon I heard a twig snap down in the dark amongst the
trees—something was a stirring. I set still and listened. Directly I
could just barely hear a "me-yow! me-yow!" down there. That was good!
Says I, "me-yow! me-yow!" as soft as I could, and then I put out the
light and scrambled out of the window on to the shed. Then I slipped
down to the ground and crawled in among the trees, and, sure enough,
there was Tom Sawyer waiting for me.




CHAPTER II.

WE went tiptoeing along a path amongst the trees back towards the end of
the widow's garden, stooping down so as the branches wouldn't scrape our
heads. When we was passing by the kitchen I fell over a root and made
a noise. We scrouched down and laid still. Miss Watson's big nigger,
named Jim, was setting in the kitchen door; we could see him pretty
clear, because there was a light behind him. He got up and stretched
his neck out about a minute, listening. Then he says:

"Who dah?"

He listened some more; then he come tiptoeing down and stood right
between us; we could a touched him, nearly. Well, likely it was
minutes and minutes that there warn't a sound, and we all there so close
together. There was a place on my ankle that got to itching, but I
dasn't scratch it; and then my ear begun to itch; and next my back,
right between my shoulders. Seemed like I'd die if I couldn't scratch.
Well, I've noticed that thing plenty times since. If you are with
the quality, or at a funeral, or trying to go to sleep when you ain't
sleepy—if you are anywheres where it won't do for you to scratch, why
you will itch all over in upwards of a thousand places. Pretty soon Jim
says:

"Say, who is you? Whar is you? Dog my cats ef I didn' hear sumf'n.
Well, I know what I's gwyne to do: I's gwyne to set down here and
listen tell I hears it agin."

So he set down on the ground betwixt me and Tom. He leaned his back up
against a tree, and stretched his legs out till one of them most touched
one of mine. My nose begun to itch. It itched till the tears come into
my eyes. But I dasn't scratch. Then it begun to itch on the inside.
Next I got to itching underneath. I didn't know how I was going to set
still. This miserableness went on as much as six or seven minutes; but
it seemed a sight longer than that. I was itching in eleven different
places now. I reckoned I couldn't stand it more'n a minute longer,
but I set my teeth hard and got ready to try. Just then Jim begun
to breathe heavy; next he begun to snore—and then I was pretty soon
comfortable again.

Tom he made a sign to me—kind of a little noise with his mouth—and we
went creeping away on our hands and knees. When we was ten foot off Tom
whispered to me, and wanted to tie Jim to the tree for fun. But I said
no; he might wake and make a disturbance, and then they'd find out I
warn't in. Then Tom said he hadn't got candles enough, and he would slip
in the kitchen and get some more. I didn't want him to try. I said Jim
might wake up and come. But Tom wanted to resk it; so we slid in there
and got three candles, and Tom laid five cents on the table for pay.
Then we got out, and I was in a sweat to get away; but nothing would do
Tom but he must crawl to where Jim was, on his hands and knees, and play
something on him. I waited, and it seemed a good while, everything was
so still and lonesome.

As soon as Tom was back we cut along the path, around the garden fence,
and by and by fetched up on the steep top of the hill the other side of
the house. Tom said he slipped Jim's hat off of his head and hung it
on a limb right over him, and Jim stirred a little, but he didn't wake.
Afterwards Jim said the witches be witched him and put him in a trance,
and rode him all over the State, and then set him under the trees again,
and hung his hat on a limb to show who done it. And next time Jim told
it he said they rode him down to New Orleans; and, after that, every
time he told it he spread it more and more, till by and by he said they
rode him all over the world, and tired him most to death, and his back
was all over saddle-boils. Jim was monstrous proud about it, and he
got so he wouldn't hardly notice the other niggers. Niggers would come
miles to hear Jim tell about it, and he was more looked up to than any
nigger in that country. Strange niggers would stand with their mouths
open and look him all over, same as if he was a wonder. Niggers is
always talking about witches in the dark by the kitchen fire; but
whenever one was talking and letting on to know all about such things,
Jim would happen in and say, "Hm! What you know 'bout witches?" and
that nigger was corked up and had to take a back seat. Jim always kept
that five-center piece round his neck with a string, and said it was a
charm the devil give to him with his own hands, and told him he could
cure anybody with it and fetch witches whenever he wanted to just by
saying something to it; but he never told what it was he said to it.
Niggers would come from all around there and give Jim anything they
had, just for a sight of that five-center piece; but they wouldn't touch
it, because the devil had had his hands on it. Jim was most ruined for
a servant, because he got stuck up on account of having seen the devil
and been rode by witches.

Well, when Tom and me got to the edge of the hilltop we looked away down
into the village and could see three or four lights twinkling, where
there was sick folks, maybe; and the stars over us was sparkling ever
so fine; and down by the village was the river, a whole mile broad, and
awful still and grand. We went down the hill and found Jo Harper and
Ben Rogers, and two or three more of the boys, hid in the old tanyard.
So we unhitched a skiff and pulled down the river two mile and a half,
to the big scar on the hillside, and went ashore.

We went to a clump of bushes, and Tom made everybody swear to keep the
secret, and then showed them a hole in the hill, right in the thickest
part of the bushes. Then we lit the candles, and crawled in on our
hands and knees. We went about two hundred yards, and then the cave
opened up. Tom poked about amongst the passages, and pretty soon ducked
under a wall where you wouldn't a noticed that there was a hole. We
went along a narrow place and got into a kind of room, all damp and
sweaty and cold, and there we stopped. Tom says:

"Now, we'll start this band of robbers and call it Tom Sawyer's Gang.
Everybody that wants to join has got to take an oath, and write his name
in blood."

Everybody was willing. So Tom got out a sheet of paper that he had
wrote the oath on, and read it. It swore every boy to stick to the
band, and never tell any of the secrets; and if anybody done anything to
any boy in the band, whichever boy was ordered to kill that person and
his family must do it, and he mustn't eat and he mustn't sleep till he
had killed them and hacked a cross in their breasts, which was the sign
of the band. And nobody that didn't belong to the band could use that
mark, and if he did he must be sued; and if he done it again he must be
killed. And if anybody that belonged to the band told the secrets, he
must have his throat cut, and then have his carcass burnt up and the
ashes scattered all around, and his name blotted off of the list with
blood and never mentioned again by the gang, but have a curse put on it
and be forgot forever.

Everybody said it was a real beautiful oath, and asked Tom if he got
it out of his own head. He said, some of it, but the rest was out of
pirate-books and robber-books, and every gang that was high-toned had
it.

Some thought it would be good to kill the _families_ of boys that told
the secrets. Tom said it was a good idea, so he took a pencil and wrote
it in. Then Ben Rogers says:

"Here's Huck Finn, he hain't got no family; what you going to do 'bout
him?"

"Well, hain't he got a father?" says Tom Sawyer.

"Yes, he's got a father, but you can't never find him these days. He
used to lay drunk with the hogs in the tanyard, but he hain't been seen
in these parts for a year or more."

They talked it over, and they was going to rule me out, because they
said every boy must have a family or somebody to kill, or else it
wouldn't be fair and square for the others. Well, nobody could think of
anything to do—everybody was stumped, and set still. I was most ready
to cry; but all at once I thought of a way, and so I offered them Miss
Watson—they could kill her. Everybody said:

"Oh, she'll do. That's all right. Huck can come in."

Then they all stuck a pin in their fingers to get blood to sign with,
and I made my mark on the paper.

"Now," says Ben Rogers, "what's the line of business of this Gang?"

"Nothing only robbery and murder," Tom said.

"But who are we going to rob?—houses, or cattle, or—"

"Stuff! stealing cattle and such things ain't robbery; it's burglary,"
says Tom Sawyer. "We ain't burglars. That ain't no sort of style. We
are highwaymen. We stop stages and carriages on the road, with masks
on, and kill the people and take their watches and money."

"Must we always kill the people?"

"Oh, certainly. It's best. Some authorities think different, but
mostly it's considered best to kill them—except some that you bring to
the cave here, and keep them till they're ransomed."

"Ransomed? What's that?"

"I don't know. But that's what they do. I've seen it in books; and so
of course that's what we've got to do."

"But how can we do it if we don't know what it is?"

"Why, blame it all, we've _got_ to do it. Don't I tell you it's in the
books? Do you want to go to doing different from what's in the books,
and get things all muddled up?"

"Oh, that's all very fine to _say_, Tom Sawyer, but how in the nation
are these fellows going to be ransomed if we don't know how to do it
to them?—that's the thing I want to get at. Now, what do you reckon it
is?"

"Well, I don't know. But per'aps if we keep them till they're ransomed,
it means that we keep them till they're dead."

"Now, that's something _like_. That'll answer. Why couldn't you said
that before? We'll keep them till they're ransomed to death; and a
bothersome lot they'll be, too—eating up everything, and always trying
to get loose."

"How you talk, Ben Rogers. How can they get loose when there's a guard
over them, ready to shoot them down if they move a peg?"

"A guard! Well, that _is_ good. So somebody's got to set up all night
and never get any sleep, just so as to watch them. I think that's
foolishness. Why can't a body take a club and ransom them as soon as
they get here?"

"Because it ain't in the books so—that's why. Now, Ben Rogers, do you
want to do things regular, or don't you?—that's the idea. Don't you
reckon that the people that made the books knows what's the correct
thing to do? Do you reckon _you_ can learn 'em anything? Not by a good
deal. No, sir, we'll just go on and ransom them in the regular way."

"All right. I don't mind; but I say it's a fool way, anyhow. Say, do
we kill the women, too?"

"Well, Ben Rogers, if I was as ignorant as you I wouldn't let on. Kill
the women? No; nobody ever saw anything in the books like that. You
fetch them to the cave, and you're always as polite as pie to them;
and by and by they fall in love with you, and never want to go home any
more."

"Well, if that's the way I'm agreed, but I don't take no stock in it.
Mighty soon we'll have the cave so cluttered up with women, and fellows
waiting to be ransomed, that there won't be no place for the robbers.
But go ahead, I ain't got nothing to say."

Little Tommy Barnes was asleep now, and when they waked him up he was
scared, and cried, and said he wanted to go home to his ma, and didn't
want to be a robber any more.

So they all made fun of him, and called him cry-baby, and that made him
mad, and he said he would go straight and tell all the secrets. But
Tom give him five cents to keep quiet, and said we would all go home and
meet next week, and rob somebody and kill some people.

Ben Rogers said he couldn't get out much, only Sundays, and so he wanted
to begin next Sunday; but all the boys said it would be wicked to do it
on Sunday, and that settled the thing. They agreed to get together and
fix a day as soon as they could, and then we elected Tom Sawyer first
captain and Jo Harper second captain of the Gang, and so started home.

I clumb up the shed and crept into my window just before day was
breaking. My new clothes was all greased up and clayey, and I was
dog-tired.




CHAPTER III.

WELL, I got a good going-over in the morning from old Miss Watson on
account of my clothes; but the widow she didn't scold, but only cleaned
off the grease and clay, and looked so sorry that I thought I would
behave awhile if I could. Then Miss Watson she took me in the closet
and prayed, but nothing come of it. She told me to pray every day, and
whatever I asked for I would get it. But it warn't so. I tried it.
Once I got a fish-line, but no hooks. It warn't any good to me without
hooks. I tried for the hooks three or four times, but somehow I
couldn't make it work. By and by, one day, I asked Miss Watson to
try for me, but she said I was a fool. She never told me why, and I
couldn't make it out no way.

I set down one time back in the woods, and had a long think about it.
I says to myself, if a body can get anything they pray for, why don't
Deacon Winn get back the money he lost on pork? Why can't the widow get
back her silver snuffbox that was stole? Why can't Miss Watson fat up?
No, says I to my self, there ain't nothing in it. I went and told the
widow about it, and she said the thing a body could get by praying for
it was "spiritual gifts." This was too many for me, but she told me
what she meant—I must help other people, and do everything I could for
other people, and look out for them all the time, and never think about
myself. This was including Miss Watson, as I took it. I went out in the
woods and turned it over in my mind a long time, but I couldn't see no
advantage about it—except for the other people; so at last I reckoned
I wouldn't worry about it any more, but just let it go. Sometimes the
widow would take me one side and talk about Providence in a way to make
a body's mouth water; but maybe next day Miss Watson would take hold
and knock it all down again. I judged I could see that there was two
Providences, and a poor chap would stand considerable show with the
widow's Providence, but if Miss Watson's got him there warn't no help
for him any more. I thought it all out, and reckoned I would belong
to the widow's if he wanted me, though I couldn't make out how he was
a-going to be any better off then than what he was before, seeing I was
so ignorant, and so kind of low-down and ornery.

Pap he hadn't been seen for more than a year, and that was comfortable
for me; I didn't want to see him no more. He used to always whale me
when he was sober and could get his hands on me; though I used to take
to the woods most of the time when he was around. Well, about this time
he was found in the river drownded, about twelve mile above town, so
people said. They judged it was him, anyway; said this drownded man was
just his size, and was ragged, and had uncommon long hair, which was all
like pap; but they couldn't make nothing out of the face, because it had
been in the water so long it warn't much like a face at all. They said
he was floating on his back in the water. They took him and buried him
on the bank. But I warn't comfortable long, because I happened to think
of something. I knowed mighty well that a drownded man don't float on
his back, but on his face. So I knowed, then, that this warn't pap, but
a woman dressed up in a man's clothes. So I was uncomfortable again.
I judged the old man would turn up again by and by, though I wished he
wouldn't.

We played robber now and then about a month, and then I resigned. All
the boys did. We hadn't robbed nobody, hadn't killed any people, but
only just pretended. We used to hop out of the woods and go charging
down on hog-drivers and women in carts taking garden stuff to market,
but we never hived any of them. Tom Sawyer called the hogs "ingots,"
and he called the turnips and stuff "julery," and we would go to the
cave and powwow over what we had done, and how many people we had killed
and marked. But I couldn't see no profit in it. One time Tom sent a
boy to run about town with a blazing stick, which he called a slogan
(which was the sign for the Gang to get together), and then he said he
had got secret news by his spies that next day a whole parcel of Spanish
merchants and rich A-rabs was going to camp in Cave Hollow with two
hundred elephants, and six hundred camels, and over a thousand "sumter"
mules, all loaded down with di'monds, and they didn't have only a guard
of four hundred soldiers, and so we would lay in ambuscade, as he called
it, and kill the lot and scoop the things. He said we must slick up
our swords and guns, and get ready. He never could go after even a
turnip-cart but he must have the swords and guns all scoured up for it,
though they was only lath and broomsticks, and you might scour at them
till you rotted, and then they warn't worth a mouthful of ashes more
than what they was before. I didn't believe we could lick such a crowd
of Spaniards and A-rabs, but I wanted to see the camels and elephants,
so I was on hand next day, Saturday, in the ambuscade; and when we got
the word we rushed out of the woods and down the hill. But there warn't
no Spaniards and A-rabs, and there warn't no camels nor no elephants.
It warn't anything but a Sunday-school picnic, and only a primer-class
at that. We busted it up, and chased the children up the hollow; but we
never got anything but some doughnuts and jam, though Ben Rogers got
a rag doll, and Jo Harper got a hymn-book and a tract; and then the
teacher charged in, and made us drop everything and cut.

I didn't see no di'monds, and I told Tom Sawyer so. He said there was
loads of them there, anyway; and he said there was A-rabs there, too,
and elephants and things. I said, why couldn't we see them, then? He
said if I warn't so ignorant, but had read a book called Don Quixote, I
would know without asking. He said it was all done by enchantment. He
said there was hundreds of soldiers there, and elephants and treasure,
and so on, but we had enemies which he called magicians; and they had
turned the whole thing into an infant Sunday-school, just out of spite.
I said, all right; then the thing for us to do was to go for the
magicians. Tom Sawyer said I was a numskull.

"Why," said he, "a magician could call up a lot of genies, and they
would hash you up like nothing before you could say Jack Robinson. They
are as tall as a tree and as big around as a church."

"Well," I says, "s'pose we got some genies to help _us_—can't we lick
the other crowd then?"

"How you going to get them?"

"I don't know. How do _they_ get them?"

"Why, they rub an old tin lamp or an iron ring, and then the genies
come tearing in, with the thunder and lightning a-ripping around and the
smoke a-rolling, and everything they're told to do they up and do it.
They don't think nothing of pulling a shot-tower up by the roots, and
belting a Sunday-school superintendent over the head with it—or any
other man."

"Who makes them tear around so?"

"Why, whoever rubs the lamp or the ring. They belong to whoever rubs
the lamp or the ring, and they've got to do whatever he says. If he
tells them to build a palace forty miles long out of di'monds, and fill
it full of chewing-gum, or whatever you want, and fetch an emperor's
daughter from China for you to marry, they've got to do it—and they've
got to do it before sun-up next morning, too. And more: they've got
to waltz that palace around over the country wherever you want it, you
understand."

"Well," says I, "I think they are a pack of flat-heads for not keeping
the palace themselves 'stead of fooling them away like that. And what's
more—if I was one of them I would see a man in Jericho before I would
drop my business and come to him for the rubbing of an old tin lamp."

"How you talk, Huck Finn. Why, you'd _have_ to come when he rubbed it,
whether you wanted to or not."

"What! and I as high as a tree and as big as a church? All right, then;
I _would_ come; but I lay I'd make that man climb the highest tree there
was in the country."

"Shucks, it ain't no use to talk to you, Huck Finn. You don't seem to
know anything, somehow—perfect saphead."

I thought all this over for two or three days, and then I reckoned I
would see if there was anything in it. I got an old tin lamp and an
iron ring, and went out in the woods and rubbed and rubbed till I sweat
like an Injun, calculating to build a palace and sell it; but it warn't
no use, none of the genies come. So then I judged that all that stuff
was only just one of Tom Sawyer's lies. I reckoned he believed in the
A-rabs and the elephants, but as for me I think different. It had all
the marks of a Sunday-school.




CHAPTER IV.

WELL, three or four months run along, and it was well into the winter
now. I had been to school most all the time and could spell and read and
write just a little, and could say the multiplication table up to six
times seven is thirty-five, and I don't reckon I could ever get any
further than that if I was to live forever. I don't take no stock in
mathematics, anyway.

At first I hated the school, but by and by I got so I could stand it.
Whenever I got uncommon tired I played hookey, and the hiding I got next
day done me good and cheered me up. So the longer I went to school the
easier it got to be. I was getting sort of used to the widow's ways,
too, and they warn't so raspy on me. Living in a house and sleeping in
a bed pulled on me pretty tight mostly, but before the cold weather I
used to slide out and sleep in the woods sometimes, and so that was a
rest to me. I liked the old ways best, but I was getting so I liked the
new ones, too, a little bit. The widow said I was coming along slow but
sure, and doing very satisfactory. She said she warn't ashamed of me.

One morning I happened to turn over the salt-cellar at breakfast.
I reached for some of it as quick as I could to throw over my left
shoulder and keep off the bad luck, but Miss Watson was in ahead of me,
and crossed me off. She says, "Take your hands away, Huckleberry; what
a mess you are always making!" The widow put in a good word for me, but
that warn't going to keep off the bad luck, I knowed that well enough.
I started out, after breakfast, feeling worried and shaky, and
wondering where it was going to fall on me, and what it was going to be.
There is ways to keep off some kinds of bad luck, but this wasn't one
of them kind; so I never tried to do anything, but just poked along
low-spirited and on the watch-out.

I went down to the front garden and clumb over the stile where you go
through the high board fence. There was an inch of new snow on the
ground, and I seen somebody's tracks. They had come up from the quarry
and stood around the stile a while, and then went on around the garden
fence. It was funny they hadn't come in, after standing around so. I
couldn't make it out. It was very curious, somehow. I was going to
follow around, but I stooped down to look at the tracks first. I didn't
notice anything at first, but next I did. There was a cross in the left
boot-heel made with big nails, to keep off the devil.

I was up in a second and shinning down the hill. I looked over my
shoulder every now and then, but I didn't see nobody. I was at Judge
Thatcher's as quick as I could get there. He said:

"Why, my boy, you are all out of breath. Did you come for your
interest?"

"No, sir," I says; "is there some for me?"

"Oh, yes, a half-yearly is in last night—over a hundred and fifty
dollars. Quite a fortune for you. You had better let me invest it
along with your six thousand, because if you take it you'll spend it."

"No, sir," I says, "I don't want to spend it. I don't want it at
all—nor the six thousand, nuther. I want you to take it; I want to give
it to you—the six thousand and all."

He looked surprised. He couldn't seem to make it out. He says:

"Why, what can you mean, my boy?"

I says, "Don't you ask me no questions about it, please. You'll take
it—won't you?"

He says:

"Well, I'm puzzled. Is something the matter?"

"Please take it," says I, "and don't ask me nothing—then I won't have to
tell no lies."

He studied a while, and then he says:

"Oho-o! I think I see. You want to _sell_ all your property to me—not
give it. That's the correct idea."

Then he wrote something on a paper and read it over, and says:

"There; you see it says 'for a consideration.' That means I have bought
it of you and paid you for it. Here's a dollar for you. Now you sign
it."

So I signed it, and left.

Miss Watson's nigger, Jim, had a hair-ball as big as your fist, which
had been took out of the fourth stomach of an ox, and he used to do
magic with it. He said there was a spirit inside of it, and it knowed
everything. So I went to him that night and told him pap was here
again, for I found his tracks in the snow. What I wanted to know was,
what he was going to do, and was he going to stay? Jim got out his
hair-ball and said something over it, and then he held it up and dropped
it on the floor. It fell pretty solid, and only rolled about an inch.
Jim tried it again, and then another time, and it acted just the same.
Jim got down on his knees, and put his ear against it and listened.
But it warn't no use; he said it wouldn't talk. He said sometimes it
wouldn't talk without money. I told him I had an old slick counterfeit
quarter that warn't no good because the brass showed through the silver
a little, and it wouldn't pass nohow, even if the brass didn't show,
because it was so slick it felt greasy, and so that would tell on it
every time. (I reckoned I wouldn't say nothing about the dollar I got
from the judge.) I said it was pretty bad money, but maybe the hair-ball
would take it, because maybe it wouldn't know the difference. Jim smelt
it and bit it and rubbed it, and said he would manage so the hair-ball
would think it was good. He said he would split open a raw Irish potato
and stick the quarter in between and keep it there all night, and next
morning you couldn't see no brass, and it wouldn't feel greasy no more,
and so anybody in town would take it in a minute, let alone a hair-ball.
Well, I knowed a potato would do that before, but I had forgot it.

Jim put the quarter under the hair-ball, and got down and listened
again. This time he said the hair-ball was all right. He said it
would tell my whole fortune if I wanted it to. I says, go on. So the
hair-ball talked to Jim, and Jim told it to me. He says:

"Yo' ole father doan' know yit what he's a-gwyne to do. Sometimes he
spec he'll go 'way, en den agin he spec he'll stay. De bes' way is to
res' easy en let de ole man take his own way. Dey's two angels hoverin'
roun' 'bout him. One uv 'em is white en shiny, en t'other one is black.
De white one gits him to go right a little while, den de black one sail
in en bust it all up. A body can't tell yit which one gwyne to fetch
him at de las'. But you is all right. You gwyne to have considable
trouble in yo' life, en considable joy. Sometimes you gwyne to git
hurt, en sometimes you gwyne to git sick; but every time you's gwyne
to git well agin. Dey's two gals flyin' 'bout you in yo' life. One
uv 'em's light en t'other one is dark. One is rich en t'other is po'.
You's gwyne to marry de po' one fust en de rich one by en by. You
wants to keep 'way fum de water as much as you kin, en don't run no
resk, 'kase it's down in de bills dat you's gwyne to git hung."

When I lit my candle and went up to my room that night there sat pap his
own self!




CHAPTER V.

I had shut the door to. Then I turned around and there he was. I used
to be scared of him all the time, he tanned me so much. I reckoned I
was scared now, too; but in a minute I see I was mistaken—that is, after
the first jolt, as you may say, when my breath sort of hitched, he being
so unexpected; but right away after I see I warn't scared of him worth
bothring about.

He was most fifty, and he looked it. His hair was long and tangled and
greasy, and hung down, and you could see his eyes shining through
like he was behind vines. It was all black, no gray; so was his long,
mixed-up whiskers. There warn't no color in his face, where his face
showed; it was white; not like another man's white, but a white to make
a body sick, a white to make a body's flesh crawl—a tree-toad white, a
fish-belly white. As for his clothes—just rags, that was all. He had
one ankle resting on t'other knee; the boot on that foot was busted, and
two of his toes stuck through, and he worked them now and then. His hat
was laying on the floor—an old black slouch with the top caved in, like
a lid.

I stood a-looking at him; he set there a-looking at me, with his chair
tilted back a little. I set the candle down. I noticed the window was
up; so he had clumb in by the shed. He kept a-looking me all over. By
and by he says:

"Starchy clothes—very. You think you're a good deal of a big-bug,
_don't_ you?"

"Maybe I am, maybe I ain't," I says.

"Don't you give me none o' your lip," says he. "You've put on
considerable many frills since I been away. I'll take you down a peg
before I get done with you. You're educated, too, they say—can read and
write. You think you're better'n your father, now, don't you, because
he can't? _I'll_ take it out of you. Who told you you might meddle
with such hifalut'n foolishness, hey?—who told you you could?"

"The widow. She told me."

"The widow, hey?—and who told the widow she could put in her shovel
about a thing that ain't none of her business?"

"Nobody never told her."

"Well, I'll learn her how to meddle. And looky here—you drop that
school, you hear? I'll learn people to bring up a boy to put on airs
over his own father and let on to be better'n what _he_ is. You lemme
catch you fooling around that school again, you hear? Your mother
couldn't read, and she couldn't write, nuther, before she died. None
of the family couldn't before _they_ died. I can't; and here you're
a-swelling yourself up like this. I ain't the man to stand it—you hear?
Say, lemme hear you read."

I took up a book and begun something about General Washington and the
wars. When I'd read about a half a minute, he fetched the book a whack
with his hand and knocked it across the house. He says:

"It's so. You can do it. I had my doubts when you told me. Now looky
here; you stop that putting on frills. I won't have it. I'll lay for
you, my smarty; and if I catch you about that school I'll tan you good.
First you know you'll get religion, too. I never see such a son."

He took up a little blue and yaller picture of some cows and a boy, and
says:

"What's this?"

"It's something they give me for learning my lessons good."

He tore it up, and says:

"I'll give you something better—I'll give you a cowhide."

He set there a-mumbling and a-growling a minute, and then he says:

"_Ain't_ you a sweet-scented dandy, though? A bed; and bedclothes; and
a look'n'-glass; and a piece of carpet on the floor—and your own father
got to sleep with the hogs in the tanyard. I never see such a son. I
bet I'll take some o' these frills out o' you before I'm done with you.
Why, there ain't no end to your airs—they say you're rich. Hey?—how's
that?"

"They lie—that's how."

"Looky here—mind how you talk to me; I'm a-standing about all I can
stand now—so don't gimme no sass. I've been in town two days, and I
hain't heard nothing but about you bein' rich. I heard about it
away down the river, too. That's why I come. You git me that money
to-morrow—I want it."

"I hain't got no money."

"It's a lie. Judge Thatcher's got it. You git it. I want it."

"I hain't got no money, I tell you. You ask Judge Thatcher; he'll tell
you the same."

"All right. I'll ask him; and I'll make him pungle, too, or I'll know
the reason why. Say, how much you got in your pocket? I want it."

"I hain't got only a dollar, and I want that to—"

"It don't make no difference what you want it for—you just shell it
out."

He took it and bit it to see if it was good, and then he said he was
going down town to get some whisky; said he hadn't had a drink all day.
When he had got out on the shed he put his head in again, and cussed
me for putting on frills and trying to be better than him; and when I
reckoned he was gone he come back and put his head in again, and told me
to mind about that school, because he was going to lay for me and lick
me if I didn't drop that.

Next day he was drunk, and he went to Judge Thatcher's and bullyragged
him, and tried to make him give up the money; but he couldn't, and then
he swore he'd make the law force him.

The judge and the widow went to law to get the court to take me away
from him and let one of them be my guardian; but it was a new judge that
had just come, and he didn't know the old man; so he said courts mustn't
interfere and separate families if they could help it; said he'd druther
not take a child away from its father. So Judge Thatcher and the widow
had to quit on the business.

That pleased the old man till he couldn't rest. He said he'd cowhide
me till I was black and blue if I didn't raise some money for him. I
borrowed three dollars from Judge Thatcher, and pap took it and got
drunk, and went a-blowing around and cussing and whooping and carrying
on; and he kept it up all over town, with a tin pan, till most midnight;
then they jailed him, and next day they had him before court, and jailed
him again for a week. But he said _he_ was satisfied; said he was boss
of his son, and he'd make it warm for _him_.

When he got out the new judge said he was a-going to make a man of him.
So he took him to his own house, and dressed him up clean and nice, and
had him to breakfast and dinner and supper with the family, and was just
old pie to him, so to speak. And after supper he talked to him about
temperance and such things till the old man cried, and said he'd been
a fool, and fooled away his life; but now he was a-going to turn over
a new leaf and be a man nobody wouldn't be ashamed of, and he hoped the
judge would help him and not look down on him. The judge said he could
hug him for them words; so he cried, and his wife she cried again; pap
said he'd been a man that had always been misunderstood before, and the
judge said he believed it. The old man said that what a man wanted
that was down was sympathy, and the judge said it was so; so they cried
again. And when it was bedtime the old man rose up and held out his
hand, and says:

"Look at it, gentlemen and ladies all; take a-hold of it; shake it.
There's a hand that was the hand of a hog; but it ain't so no more; it's
the hand of a man that's started in on a new life, and'll die before
he'll go back. You mark them words—don't forget I said them. It's a
clean hand now; shake it—don't be afeard."

So they shook it, one after the other, all around, and cried. The
judge's wife she kissed it. Then the old man he signed a pledge—made
his mark. The judge said it was the holiest time on record, or something
like that. Then they tucked the old man into a beautiful room, which was
the spare room, and in the night some time he got powerful thirsty and
clumb out on to the porch-roof and slid down a stanchion and traded his
new coat for a jug of forty-rod, and clumb back again and had a good old
time; and towards daylight he crawled out again, drunk as a fiddler, and
rolled off the porch and broke his left arm in two places, and was most
froze to death when somebody found him after sun-up. And when they come
to look at that spare room they had to take soundings before they could
navigate it.

The judge he felt kind of sore. He said he reckoned a body could reform
the old man with a shotgun, maybe, but he didn't know no other way.




CHAPTER VI.

WELL, pretty soon the old man was up and around again, and then he went
for Judge Thatcher in the courts to make him give up that money, and he
went for me, too, for not stopping school. He catched me a couple of
times and thrashed me, but I went to school just the same, and dodged
him or outrun him most of the time. I didn't want to go to school much
before, but I reckoned I'd go now to spite pap. That law trial was a
slow business—appeared like they warn't ever going to get started on it;
so every now and then I'd borrow two or three dollars off of the judge
for him, to keep from getting a cowhiding. Every time he got money he
got drunk; and every time he got drunk he raised Cain around town; and
every time he raised Cain he got jailed. He was just suited—this kind
of thing was right in his line.

He got to hanging around the widow's too much and so she told him at
last that if he didn't quit using around there she would make trouble
for him. Well, _wasn't_ he mad? He said he would show who was Huck
Finn's boss. So he watched out for me one day in the spring, and
catched me, and took me up the river about three mile in a skiff, and
crossed over to the Illinois shore where it was woody and there warn't
no houses but an old log hut in a place where the timber was so thick
you couldn't find it if you didn't know where it was.

He kept me with him all the time, and I never got a chance to run off.
We lived in that old cabin, and he always locked the door and put the
key under his head nights. He had a gun which he had stole, I reckon,
and we fished and hunted, and that was what we lived on. Every little
while he locked me in and went down to the store, three miles, to the
ferry, and traded fish and game for whisky, and fetched it home and got
drunk and had a good time, and licked me. The widow she found out where
I was by and by, and she sent a man over to try to get hold of me; but
pap drove him off with the gun, and it warn't long after that till I was
used to being where I was, and liked it—all but the cowhide part.

It was kind of lazy and jolly, laying off comfortable all day, smoking
and fishing, and no books nor study. Two months or more run along, and
my clothes got to be all rags and dirt, and I didn't see how I'd ever
got to like it so well at the widow's, where you had to wash, and eat on
a plate, and comb up, and go to bed and get up regular, and be forever
bothering over a book, and have old Miss Watson pecking at you all the
time. I didn't want to go back no more. I had stopped cussing, because
the widow didn't like it; but now I took to it again because pap hadn't
no objections. It was pretty good times up in the woods there, take it
all around.

But by and by pap got too handy with his hick'ry, and I couldn't stand
it. I was all over welts. He got to going away so much, too, and
locking me in. Once he locked me in and was gone three days. It was
dreadful lonesome. I judged he had got drownded, and I wasn't ever
going to get out any more. I was scared. I made up my mind I would fix
up some way to leave there. I had tried to get out of that cabin many
a time, but I couldn't find no way. There warn't a window to it big
enough for a dog to get through. I couldn't get up the chimbly; it
was too narrow. The door was thick, solid oak slabs. Pap was pretty
careful not to leave a knife or anything in the cabin when he was away;
I reckon I had hunted the place over as much as a hundred times; well, I
was most all the time at it, because it was about the only way to put in
the time. But this time I found something at last; I found an old rusty
wood-saw without any handle; it was laid in between a rafter and the
clapboards of the roof. I greased it up and went to work. There was an
old horse-blanket nailed against the logs at the far end of the cabin
behind the table, to keep the wind from blowing through the chinks and
putting the candle out. I got under the table and raised the blanket,
and went to work to saw a section of the big bottom log out—big enough
to let me through. Well, it was a good long job, but I was getting
towards the end of it when I heard pap's gun in the woods. I got rid of
the signs of my work, and dropped the blanket and hid my saw, and pretty
soon pap come in.

Pap warn't in a good humor—so he was his natural self. He said he was
down town, and everything was going wrong. His lawyer said he reckoned
he would win his lawsuit and get the money if they ever got started on
the trial; but then there was ways to put it off a long time, and Judge
Thatcher knowed how to do it. And he said people allowed there'd be
another trial to get me away from him and give me to the widow for my
guardian, and they guessed it would win this time. This shook me up
considerable, because I didn't want to go back to the widow's any more
and be so cramped up and sivilized, as they called it. Then the old man
got to cussing, and cussed everything and everybody he could think of,
and then cussed them all over again to make sure he hadn't skipped any,
and after that he polished off with a kind of a general cuss all round,
including a considerable parcel of people which he didn't know the names
of, and so called them what's-his-name when he got to them, and went
right along with his cussing.

He said he would like to see the widow get me. He said he would watch
out, and if they tried to come any such game on him he knowed of a place
six or seven mile off to stow me in, where they might hunt till they
dropped and they couldn't find me. That made me pretty uneasy again,
but only for a minute; I reckoned I wouldn't stay on hand till he got
that chance.

The old man made me go to the skiff and fetch the things he had
got. There was a fifty-pound sack of corn meal, and a side of bacon,
ammunition, and a four-gallon jug of whisky, and an old book and two
newspapers for wadding, besides some tow. I toted up a load, and went
back and set down on the bow of the skiff to rest. I thought it all
over, and I reckoned I would walk off with the gun and some lines, and
take to the woods when I run away. I guessed I wouldn't stay in one
place, but just tramp right across the country, mostly night times, and
hunt and fish to keep alive, and so get so far away that the old man nor
the widow couldn't ever find me any more. I judged I would saw out and
leave that night if pap got drunk enough, and I reckoned he would. I
got so full of it I didn't notice how long I was staying till the old
man hollered and asked me whether I was asleep or drownded.

I got the things all up to the cabin, and then it was about dark. While
I was cooking supper the old man took a swig or two and got sort of
warmed up, and went to ripping again. He had been drunk over in town,
and laid in the gutter all night, and he was a sight to look at. A body
would a thought he was Adam—he was just all mud. Whenever his liquor
begun to work he most always went for the govment, this time he says:

"Call this a govment! why, just look at it and see what it's like.
Here's the law a-standing ready to take a man's son away from him—a
man's own son, which he has had all the trouble and all the anxiety
and all the expense of raising. Yes, just as that man has got that
son raised at last, and ready to go to work and begin to do suthin' for
_him_ and give him a rest, the law up and goes for him. And they call
_that_ govment! That ain't all, nuther. The law backs that old Judge
Thatcher up and helps him to keep me out o' my property. Here's what
the law does: The law takes a man worth six thousand dollars and
up'ards, and jams him into an old trap of a cabin like this, and lets
him go round in clothes that ain't fitten for a hog. They call that
govment! A man can't get his rights in a govment like this. Sometimes
I've a mighty notion to just leave the country for good and all. Yes,
and I _told_ 'em so; I told old Thatcher so to his face. Lots of 'em
heard me, and can tell what I said. Says I, for two cents I'd leave the
blamed country and never come a-near it agin. Them's the very words. I
says look at my hat—if you call it a hat—but the lid raises up and the
rest of it goes down till it's below my chin, and then it ain't rightly
a hat at all, but more like my head was shoved up through a jint o'
stove-pipe. Look at it, says I—such a hat for me to wear—one of the
wealthiest men in this town if I could git my rights.

"Oh, yes, this is a wonderful govment, wonderful. Why, looky here.
There was a free nigger there from Ohio—a mulatter, most as white as
a white man. He had the whitest shirt on you ever see, too, and the
shiniest hat; and there ain't a man in that town that's got as fine
clothes as what he had; and he had a gold watch and chain, and a
silver-headed cane—the awfulest old gray-headed nabob in the State. And
what do you think? They said he was a p'fessor in a college, and could
talk all kinds of languages, and knowed everything. And that ain't the
wust. They said he could _vote_ when he was at home. Well, that let me
out. Thinks I, what is the country a-coming to? It was 'lection day,
and I was just about to go and vote myself if I warn't too drunk to get
there; but when they told me there was a State in this country where
they'd let that nigger vote, I drawed out. I says I'll never vote agin.
Them's the very words I said; they all heard me; and the country may
rot for all me—I'll never vote agin as long as I live. And to see the
cool way of that nigger—why, he wouldn't a give me the road if I hadn't
shoved him out o' the way. I says to the people, why ain't this nigger
put up at auction and sold?—that's what I want to know. And what do you
reckon they said? Why, they said he couldn't be sold till he'd been in
the State six months, and he hadn't been there that long yet. There,
now—that's a specimen. They call that a govment that can't sell a free
nigger till he's been in the State six months. Here's a govment that
calls itself a govment, and lets on to be a govment, and thinks it is a
govment, and yet's got to set stock-still for six whole months before
it can take a hold of a prowling, thieving, infernal, white-shirted free
nigger, and—"

Pap was agoing on so he never noticed where his old limber legs was
taking him to, so he went head over heels over the tub of salt pork and
barked both shins, and the rest of his speech was all the hottest kind
of language—mostly hove at the nigger and the govment, though he give
the tub some, too, all along, here and there. He hopped around the
cabin considerable, first on one leg and then on the other, holding
first one shin and then the other one, and at last he let out with his
left foot all of a sudden and fetched the tub a rattling kick. But it
warn't good judgment, because that was the boot that had a couple of his
toes leaking out of the front end of it; so now he raised a howl that
fairly made a body's hair raise, and down he went in the dirt, and
rolled there, and held his toes; and the cussing he done then laid over
anything he had ever done previous. He said so his own self afterwards.
He had heard old Sowberry Hagan in his best days, and he...
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#51
ADVENTURES

OF

HUCKLEBERRY FINN

(Tom Sawyer's Comrade)

By Mark Twain

Complete




CONTENTS.

CHAPTER I. Civilizing Huck.—Miss Watson.—Tom Sawyer Waits.

CHAPTER II. The Boys Escape Jim.—Torn Sawyer's Gang.—Deep-laid Plans.

CHAPTER III. A Good Going-over.—Grace Triumphant.—"One of Tom Sawyers's
Lies".

CHAPTER IV. Huck and the Judge.—Superstition.

CHAPTER V. Huck's Father.—The Fond Parent.—Reform.

CHAPTER VI. He Went for Judge Thatcher.—Huck Decided to Leave.—Political
Economy.—Thrashing Around.

CHAPTER VII. Laying for Him.—Locked in the Cabin.—Sinking the
Body.—Resting.

CHAPTER VIII. Sleeping in the Woods.—Raising the Dead.—Exploring the
Island.—Finding Jim.—Jim's Escape.—Signs.—Balum.

CHAPTER IX. The Cave.—The Floating House.

CHAPTER X. The Find.—Old Hank Bunker.—In Disguise.

CHAPTER XI. Huck and the Woman.—The Search.—Prevarication.—Going to
Goshen.

CHAPTER XII. Slow Navigation.—Borrowing Things.—Boarding the Wreck.—The
Plotters.—Hunting for the Boat.

CHAPTER XIII. Escaping from the Wreck.—The Watchman.—Sinking.

CHAPTER XIV. A General Good Time.—The Harem.—French.

CHAPTER XV. Huck Loses the Raft.—In the Fog.—Huck Finds the Raft.—Trash.

CHAPTER XVI. Expectation.—A White Lie.—Floating Currency.—Running by
Cairo.—Swimming Ashore.

CHAPTER XVII. An Evening Call.—The Farm in Arkansaw.—Interior
Decorations.—Stephen Dowling Bots.—Poetical Effusions.

CHAPTER XVIII. Col. Grangerford.—Aristocracy.—Feuds.—The
Testament.—Recovering the Raft.—The Wood—pile.—Pork and Cabbage.

CHAPTER XIX. Tying Up Day—times.—An Astronomical Theory.—Running a
Temperance Revival.—The Duke of Bridgewater.—The Troubles of Royalty.

CHAPTER XX. Huck Explains.—Laying Out a Campaign.—Working the
Camp—meeting.—A Pirate at the Camp—meeting.—The Duke as a Printer.

CHAPTER XXI. Sword Exercise.—Hamlet's Soliloquy.—They Loafed Around
Town.—A Lazy Town.—Old Boggs.—Dead.

CHAPTER XXII. Sherburn.—Attending the Circus.—Intoxication in the
Ring.—The Thrilling Tragedy.

CHAPTER XXIII. Sold.—Royal Comparisons.—Jim Gets Home-sick.

CHAPTER XXIV. Jim in Royal Robes.—They Take a Passenger.—Getting
Information.—Family Grief.

CHAPTER XXV. Is It Them?—Singing the "Doxologer."—Awful Square—Funeral
Orgies.—A Bad Investment .

CHAPTER XXVI. A Pious King.—The King's Clergy.—She Asked His
Pardon.—Hiding in the Room.—Huck Takes the Money.

CHAPTER XXVII. The Funeral.—Satisfying Curiosity.—Suspicious of
Huck,—Quick Sales and Small.

CHAPTER XXVIII. The Trip to England.—"The Brute!"—Mary Jane Decides to
Leave.—Huck Parting with Mary Jane.—Mumps.—The Opposition Line.

CHAPTER XXIX. Contested Relationship.—The King Explains the Loss.—A
Question of Handwriting.—Digging up the Corpse.—Huck Escapes.

CHAPTER XXX. The King Went for Him.—A Royal Row.—Powerful Mellow.

CHAPTER XXXI. Ominous Plans.—News from Jim.—Old Recollections.—A Sheep
Story.—Valuable Information.

CHAPTER XXXII. Still and Sunday—like.—Mistaken Identity.—Up a Stump.—In
a Dilemma.

CHAPTER XXXIII. A Nigger Stealer.—Southern Hospitality.—A Pretty Long
Blessing.—Tar and Feathers.

CHAPTER XXXIV. The Hut by the Ash Hopper.—Outrageous.—Climbing the
Lightning Rod.—Troubled with Witches.

CHAPTER XXXV. Escaping Properly.—Dark Schemes.—Discrimination in
Stealing.—A Deep Hole.

CHAPTER XXXVI. The Lightning Rod.—His Level Best.—A Bequest to
Posterity.—A High Figure.

CHAPTER XXXVII. The Last Shirt.—Mooning Around.—Sailing Orders.—The
Witch Pie.

CHAPTER XXXVIII. The Coat of Arms.—A Skilled Superintendent.—Unpleasant
Glory.—A Tearful Subject.

CHAPTER XXXIX. Rats.—Lively Bed—fellows.—The Straw Dummy.

CHAPTER XL. Fishing.—The Vigilance Committee.—A Lively Run.—Jim Advises
a Doctor.

CHAPTER XLI. The Doctor.—Uncle Silas.—Sister Hotchkiss.—Aunt Sally in
Trouble.

CHAPTER XLII. Tom Sawyer Wounded.—The Doctor's Story.—Tom
Confesses.—Aunt Polly Arrives.—Hand Out Them Letters .

CHAPTER THE LAST. Out of Bondage.—Paying the Captive.—Yours Truly, Huck
Finn.




ILLUSTRATIONS.

The Widows

Moses and the "Bulrushers"

Miss Watson

Huck Stealing Away

They Tip-toed Along

Jim

Tom Sawyer's Band of Robbers

Huck Creeps into his Window

Miss Watson's Lecture

The Robbers Dispersed

Rubbing the Lamp

! ! ! !

Judge Thatcher surprised

Jim Listening

"Pap"

Huck and his Father

Reforming the Drunkard

Falling from Grace

The Widows

Moses and the "Bulrushers"

Miss Watson

Huck Stealing Away

They Tip-toed Along

Jim

Tom Sawyer's Band of Robbers

Huck Creeps into his Window

Miss Watson's Lecture

The Robbers Dispersed

Rubbing the Lamp

! ! ! !

Judge Thatcher surprised

Jim Listening

"Pap"

Huck and his Father

Reforming the Drunkard

Falling from Grace

Getting out of the Way

Solid Comfort

Thinking it Over

Raising a Howl

"Git Up"

The Shanty

Shooting the Pig

Taking a Rest

In the Woods

Watching the Boat

Discovering the Camp Fire

Jim and the Ghost

Misto Bradish's Nigger

Exploring the Cave

In the Cave

Jim sees a Dead Man

They Found Eight Dollars

Jim and the Snake

Old Hank Bunker

"A Fair Fit"

"Come In"

"Him and another Man"

She puts up a Snack

"Hump Yourself"

On the Raft

He sometimes Lifted a Chicken

"Please don't, Bill"

"It ain't Good Morals"

"Oh! Lordy, Lordy!"

In a Fix

"Hello, What's Up?"

The Wreck

We turned in and Slept

Turning over the Truck

Solomon and his Million Wives

The story of "Sollermun"

"We Would Sell the Raft"

Among the Snags

Asleep on the Raft

"Something being Raftsman"

"Boy, that's a Lie"

"Here I is, Huck"

Climbing up the Bank

"Who's There?"

"Buck"

"It made Her look Spidery"

"They got him out and emptied Him"

The House

Col. Grangerford

Young Harney Shepherdson

Miss Charlotte

"And asked me if I Liked Her"

"Behind the Wood-pile"

Hiding Day-times

"And Dogs a-Coming"

"By rights I am a Duke!"

"I am the Late Dauphin"

Tail Piece

On the Raft

The King as Juliet

"Courting on the Sly"

"A Pirate for Thirty Years"

Another little Job

Practizing

Hamlet's Soliloquy

"Gimme a Chaw"

A Little Monthly Drunk

The Death of Boggs

Sherburn steps out

A Dead Head

He shed Seventeen Suits

Tragedy

Their Pockets Bulged

Henry the Eighth in Boston Harbor

Harmless

Adolphus

He fairly emptied that Young Fellow

"Alas, our Poor Brother"

"You Bet it is"

Leaking

Making up the "Deffisit"

Going for him

The Doctor

The Bag of Money

The Cubby

Supper with the Hare-Lip

Honest Injun

The Duke looks under the Bed

Huck takes the Money

A Crack in the Dining-room Door

The Undertaker

"He had a Rat!"

"Was you in my Room?"

Jawing

In Trouble

Indignation

How to Find Them

He Wrote

Hannah with the Mumps

The Auction

The True Brothers

The Doctor leads Huck

The Duke Wrote

"Gentlemen, Gentlemen!"

"Jim Lit Out"

The King shakes Huck

The Duke went for Him

Spanish Moss

"Who Nailed Him?"

Thinking

He gave him Ten Cents

Striking for the Back Country

Still and Sunday-like

She hugged him tight

"Who do you reckon it is?"

"It was Tom Sawyer"

"Mr. Archibald Nichols, I presume?"

A pretty long Blessing

Traveling By Rail

Vittles

A Simple Job

Witches

Getting Wood

One of the Best Authorities

The Breakfast-Horn

Smouching the Knives

Going down the Lightning-Rod

Stealing spoons

Tom advises a Witch Pie

The Rubbage-Pile

"Missus, dey's a Sheet Gone"

In a Tearing Way

One of his Ancestors

Jim's Coat of Arms

A Tough Job

Buttons on their Tails

Irrigation

Keeping off Dull Times

Sawdust Diet

Trouble is Brewing

Fishing

Every one had a Gun

Tom caught on a Splinter

Jim advises a Doctor

The Doctor

Uncle Silas in Danger

Old Mrs. Hotchkiss

Aunt Sally talks to Huck

Tom Sawyer wounded

The Doctor speaks for Jim

Tom rose square up in Bed

"Hand out them Letters"

Out of Bondage

Tom's Liberality

Yours Truly




EXPLANATORY

IN this book a number of dialects are used, to wit: the Missouri negro
dialect; the extremest form of the backwoods Southwestern dialect; the
ordinary "Pike County" dialect; and four modified varieties of this
last. The shadings have not been done in a haphazard fashion, or by
guesswork; but painstakingly, and with the trustworthy guidance and
support of personal familiarity with these several forms of speech.

I make this explanation for the reason that without it many readers
would suppose that all these characters were trying to talk alike and
not succeeding.

THE AUTHOR.




HUCKLEBERRY FINN

Scene: The Mississippi Valley Time: Forty to fifty years ago




CHAPTER I.

YOU don't know about me without you have read a book by the name of The
Adventures of Tom Sawyer; but that ain't no matter. That book was made
by Mr. Mark Twain, and he told the truth, mainly. There was things
which he stretched, but mainly he told the truth. That is nothing. I
never seen anybody but lied one time or another, without it was Aunt
Polly, or the widow, or maybe Mary. Aunt Polly—Tom's Aunt Polly, she
is—and Mary, and the Widow Douglas is all told about in that book, which
is mostly a true book, with some stretchers, as I said before.

Now the way that the book winds up is this: Tom and me found the money
that the robbers hid in the cave, and it made us rich. We got six
thousand dollars apiece—all gold. It was an awful sight of money when
it was piled up. Well, Judge Thatcher he took it and put it out
at interest, and it fetched us a dollar a day apiece all the year
round—more than a body could tell what to do with. The Widow Douglas
she took me for her son, and allowed she would sivilize me; but it was
rough living in the house all the time, considering how dismal regular
and decent the widow was in all her ways; and so when I couldn't stand
it no longer I lit out. I got into my old rags and my sugar-hogshead
again, and was free and satisfied. But Tom Sawyer he hunted me up and
said he was going to start a band of robbers, and I might join if I
would go back to the widow and be respectable. So I went back.

The widow she cried over me, and called me a poor lost lamb, and she
called me a lot of other names, too, but she never meant no harm by
it. She put me in them new clothes again, and I couldn't do nothing but
sweat and sweat, and feel all cramped up. Well, then, the old thing
commenced again. The widow rung a bell for supper, and you had to come
to time. When you got to the table you couldn't go right to eating, but
you had to wait for the widow to tuck down her head and grumble a little
over the victuals, though there warn't really anything the matter with
them,—that is, nothing only everything was cooked by itself. In a
barrel of odds and ends it is different; things get mixed up, and the
juice kind of swaps around, and the things go better.

After supper she got out her book and learned me about Moses and the
Bulrushers, and I was in a sweat to find out all about him; but by and
by she let it out that Moses had been dead a considerable long time; so
then I didn't care no more about him, because I don't take no stock in
dead people.

Pretty soon I wanted to smoke, and asked the widow to let me. But she
wouldn't. She said it was a mean practice and wasn't clean, and I must
try to not do it any more. That is just the way with some people. They
get down on a thing when they don't know nothing about it. Here she was
a-bothering about Moses, which was no kin to her, and no use to anybody,
being gone, you see, yet finding a power of fault with me for doing a
thing that had some good in it. And she took snuff, too; of course that
was all right, because she done it herself.

Her sister, Miss Watson, a tolerable slim old maid, with goggles on,
had just come to live with her, and took a set at me now with a
spelling-book. She worked me middling hard for about an hour, and then
the widow made her ease up. I couldn't stood it much longer. Then for
an hour it was deadly dull, and I was fidgety. Miss Watson would say,
"Don't put your feet up there, Huckleberry;" and "Don't scrunch up
like that, Huckleberry—set up straight;" and pretty soon she would
say, "Don't gap and stretch like that, Huckleberry—why don't you try to
behave?" Then she told me all about the bad place, and I said I wished
I was there. She got mad then, but I didn't mean no harm. All I wanted
was to go somewheres; all I wanted was a change, I warn't particular.
She said it was wicked to say what I said; said she wouldn't say it for
the whole world; she was going to live so as to go to the good place.
Well, I couldn't see no advantage in going where she was going, so I
made up my mind I wouldn't try for it. But I never said so, because it
would only make trouble, and wouldn't do no good.

Now she had got a start, and she went on and told me all about the good
place. She said all a body would have to do there was to go around all
day long with a harp and sing, forever and ever. So I didn't think
much of it. But I never said so. I asked her if she reckoned Tom Sawyer
would go there, and she said not by a considerable sight. I was glad
about that, because I wanted him and me to be together.

Miss Watson she kept pecking at me, and it got tiresome and lonesome.
By and by they fetched the niggers in and had prayers, and then
everybody was off to bed. I went up to my room with a piece of candle,
and put it on the table. Then I set down in a chair by the window and
tried to think of something cheerful, but it warn't no use. I felt
so lonesome I most wished I was dead. The stars were shining, and the
leaves rustled in the woods ever so mournful; and I heard an owl, away
off, who-whooing about somebody that was dead, and a whippowill and a
dog crying about somebody that was going to die; and the wind was trying
to whisper something to me, and I couldn't make out what it was, and so
it made the cold shivers run over me. Then away out in the woods I heard
that kind of a sound that a ghost makes when it wants to tell about
something that's on its mind and can't make itself understood, and so
can't rest easy in its grave, and has to go about that way every night
grieving. I got so down-hearted and scared I did wish I had some
company. Pretty soon a spider went crawling up my shoulder, and I
flipped it off and it lit in the candle; and before I could budge it
was all shriveled up. I didn't need anybody to tell me that that was
an awful bad sign and would fetch me some bad luck, so I was scared
and most shook the clothes off of me. I got up and turned around in my
tracks three times and crossed my breast every time; and then I tied
up a little lock of my hair with a thread to keep witches away. But
I hadn't no confidence. You do that when you've lost a horseshoe that
you've found, instead of nailing it up over the door, but I hadn't ever
heard anybody say it was any way to keep off bad luck when you'd killed
a spider.

I set down again, a-shaking all over, and got out my pipe for a smoke;
for the house was all as still as death now, and so the widow wouldn't
know. Well, after a long time I heard the clock away off in the town
go boom—boom—boom—twelve licks; and all still again—stiller than
ever. Pretty soon I heard a twig snap down in the dark amongst the
trees—something was a stirring. I set still and listened. Directly I
could just barely hear a "me-yow! me-yow!" down there. That was good!
Says I, "me-yow! me-yow!" as soft as I could, and then I put out the
light and scrambled out of the window on to the shed. Then I slipped
down to the ground and crawled in among the trees, and, sure enough,
there was Tom Sawyer waiting for me.




CHAPTER II.

WE went tiptoeing along a path amongst the trees back towards the end of
the widow's garden, stooping down so as the branches wouldn't scrape our
heads. When we was passing by the kitchen I fell over a root and made
a noise. We scrouched down and laid still. Miss Watson's big nigger,
named Jim, was setting in the kitchen door; we could see him pretty
clear, because there was a light behind him. He got up and stretched
his neck out about a minute, listening. Then he says:

"Who dah?"

He listened some more; then he come tiptoeing down and stood right
between us; we could a touched him, nearly. Well, likely it was
minutes and minutes that there warn't a sound, and we all there so close
together. There was a place on my ankle that got to itching, but I
dasn't scratch it; and then my ear begun to itch; and next my back,
right between my shoulders. Seemed like I'd die if I couldn't scratch.
Well, I've noticed that thing plenty times since. If you are with
the quality, or at a funeral, or trying to go to sleep when you ain't
sleepy—if you are anywheres where it won't do for you to scratch, why
you will itch all over in upwards of a thousand places. Pretty soon Jim
says:

"Say, who is you? Whar is you? Dog my cats ef I didn' hear sumf'n.
Well, I know what I's gwyne to do: I's gwyne to set down here and
listen tell I hears it agin."

So he set down on the ground betwixt me and Tom. He leaned his back up
against a tree, and stretched his legs out till one of them most touched
one of mine. My nose begun to itch. It itched till the tears come into
my eyes. But I dasn't scratch. Then it begun to itch on the inside.
Next I got to itching underneath. I didn't know how I was going to set
still. This miserableness went on as much as six or seven minutes; but
it seemed a sight longer than that. I was itching in eleven different
places now. I reckoned I couldn't stand it more'n a minute longer,
but I set my teeth hard and got ready to try. Just then Jim begun
to breathe heavy; next he begun to snore—and then I was pretty soon
comfortable again.

Tom he made a sign to me—kind of a little noise with his mouth—and we
went creeping away on our hands and knees. When we was ten foot off Tom
whispered to me, and wanted to tie Jim to the tree for fun. But I said
no; he might wake and make a disturbance, and then they'd find out I
warn't in. Then Tom said he hadn't got candles enough, and he would slip
in the kitchen and get some more. I didn't want him to try. I said Jim
might wake up and come. But Tom wanted to resk it; so we slid in there
and got three candles, and Tom laid five cents on the table for pay.
Then we got out, and I was in a sweat to get away; but nothing would do
Tom but he must crawl to where Jim was, on his hands and knees, and play
something on him. I waited, and it seemed a good while, everything was
so still and lonesome.

As soon as Tom was back we cut along the path, around the garden fence,
and by and by fetched up on the steep top of the hill the other side of
the house. Tom said he slipped Jim's hat off of his head and hung it
on a limb right over him, and Jim stirred a little, but he didn't wake.
Afterwards Jim said the witches be witched him and put him in a trance,
and rode him all over the State, and then set him under the trees again,
and hung his hat on a limb to show who done it. And next time Jim told
it he said they rode him down to New Orleans; and, after that, every
time he told it he spread it more and more, till by and by he said they
rode him all over the world, and tired him most to death, and his back
was all over saddle-boils. Jim was monstrous proud about it, and he
got so he wouldn't hardly notice the other niggers. Niggers would come
miles to hear Jim tell about it, and he was more looked up to than any
nigger in that country. Strange niggers would stand with their mouths
open and look him all over, same as if he was a wonder. Niggers is
always talking about witches in the dark by the kitchen fire; but
whenever one was talking and letting on to know all about such things,
Jim would happen in and say, "Hm! What you know 'bout witches?" and
that nigger was corked up and had to take a back seat. Jim always kept
that five-center piece round his neck with a string, and said it was a
charm the devil give to him with his own hands, and told him he could
cure anybody with it and fetch witches whenever he wanted to just by
saying something to it; but he never told what it was he said to it.
Niggers would come from all around there and give Jim anything they
had, just for a sight of that five-center piece; but they wouldn't touch
it, because the devil had had his hands on it. Jim was most ruined for
a servant, because he got stuck up on account of having seen the devil
and been rode by witches.

Well, when Tom and me got to the edge of the hilltop we looked away down
into the village and could see three or four lights twinkling, where
there was sick folks, maybe; and the stars over us was sparkling ever
so fine; and down by the village was the river, a whole mile broad, and
awful still and grand. We went down the hill and found Jo Harper and
Ben Rogers, and two or three more of the boys, hid in the old tanyard.
So we unhitched a skiff and pulled down the river two mile and a half,
to the big scar on the hillside, and went ashore.

We went to a clump of bushes, and Tom made everybody swear to keep the
secret, and then showed them a hole in the hill, right in the thickest
part of the bushes. Then we lit the candles, and crawled in on our
hands and knees. We went about two hundred yards, and then the cave
opened up. Tom poked about amongst the passages, and pretty soon ducked
under a wall where you wouldn't a noticed that there was a hole. We
went along a narrow place and got into a kind of room, all damp and
sweaty and cold, and there we stopped. Tom says:

"Now, we'll start this band of robbers and call it Tom Sawyer's Gang.
Everybody that wants to join has got to take an oath, and write his name
in blood."

Everybody was willing. So Tom got out a sheet of paper that he had
wrote the oath on, and read it. It swore every boy to stick to the
band, and never tell any of the secrets; and if anybody done anything to
any boy in the band, whichever boy was ordered to kill that person and
his family must do it, and he mustn't eat and he mustn't sleep till he
had killed them and hacked a cross in their breasts, which was the sign
of the band. And nobody that didn't belong to the band could use that
mark, and if he did he must be sued; and if he done it again he must be
killed. And if anybody that belonged to the band told the secrets, he
must have his throat cut, and then have his carcass burnt up and the
ashes scattered all around, and his name blotted off of the list with
blood and never mentioned again by the gang, but have a curse put on it
and be forgot forever.

Everybody said it was a real beautiful oath, and asked Tom if he got
it out of his own head. He said, some of it, but the rest was out of
pirate-books and robber-books, and every gang that was high-toned had
it.

Some thought it would be good to kill the _families_ of boys that told
the secrets. Tom said it was a good idea, so he took a pencil and wrote
it in. Then Ben Rogers says:

"Here's Huck Finn, he hain't got no family; what you going to do 'bout
him?"

"Well, hain't he got a father?" says Tom Sawyer.

"Yes, he's got a father, but you can't never find him these days. He
used to lay drunk with the hogs in the tanyard, but he hain't been seen
in these parts for a year or more."

They talked it over, and they was going to rule me out, because they
said every boy must have a family or somebody to kill, or else it
wouldn't be fair and square for the others. Well, nobody could think of
anything to do—everybody was stumped, and set still. I was most ready
to cry; but all at once I thought of a way, and so I offered them Miss
Watson—they could kill her. Everybody said:

"Oh, she'll do. That's all right. Huck can come in."

Then they all stuck a pin in their fingers to get blood to sign with,
and I made my mark on the paper.

"Now," says Ben Rogers, "what's the line of business of this Gang?"

"Nothing only robbery and murder," Tom said.

"But who are we going to rob?—houses, or cattle, or—"

"Stuff! stealing cattle and such things ain't robbery; it's burglary,"
says Tom Sawyer. "We ain't burglars. That ain't no sort of style. We
are highwaymen. We stop stages and carriages on the road, with masks
on, and kill the people and take their watches and money."

"Must we always kill the people?"

"Oh, certainly. It's best. Some authorities think different, but
mostly it's considered best to kill them—except some that you bring to
the cave here, and keep them till they're ransomed."

"Ransomed? What's that?"

"I don't know. But that's what they do. I've seen it in books; and so
of course that's what we've got to do."

"But how can we do it if we don't know what it is?"

"Why, blame it all, we've _got_ to do it. Don't I tell you it's in the
books? Do you want to go to doing different from what's in the books,
and get things all muddled up?"

"Oh, that's all very fine to _say_, Tom Sawyer, but how in the nation
are these fellows going to be ransomed if we don't know how to do it
to them?—that's the thing I want to get at. Now, what do you reckon it
is?"

"Well, I don't know. But per'aps if we keep them till they're ransomed,
it means that we keep them till they're dead."

"Now, that's something _like_. That'll answer. Why couldn't you said
that before? We'll keep them till they're ransomed to death; and a
bothersome lot they'll be, too—eating up everything, and always trying
to get loose."

"How you talk, Ben Rogers. How can they get loose when there's a guard
over them, ready to shoot them down if they move a peg?"

"A guard! Well, that _is_ good. So somebody's got to set up all night
and never get any sleep, just so as to watch them. I think that's
foolishness. Why can't a body take a club and ransom them as soon as
they get here?"

"Because it ain't in the books so—that's why. Now, Ben Rogers, do you
want to do things regular, or don't you?—that's the idea. Don't you
reckon that the people that made the books knows what's the correct
thing to do? Do you reckon _you_ can learn 'em anything? Not by a good
deal. No, sir, we'll just go on and ransom them in the regular way."

"All right. I don't mind; but I say it's a fool way, anyhow. Say, do
we kill the women, too?"

"Well, Ben Rogers, if I was as ignorant as you I wouldn't let on. Kill
the women? No; nobody ever saw anything in the books like that. You
fetch them to the cave, and you're always as polite as pie to them;
and by and by they fall in love with you, and never want to go home any
more."

"Well, if that's the way I'm agreed, but I don't take no stock in it.
Mighty soon we'll have the cave so cluttered up with women, and fellows
waiting to be ransomed, that there won't be no place for the robbers.
But go ahead, I ain't got nothing to say."

Little Tommy Barnes was asleep now, and when they waked him up he was
scared, and cried, and said he wanted to go home to his ma, and didn't
want to be a robber any more.

So they all made fun of him, and called him cry-baby, and that made him
mad, and he said he would go straight and tell all the secrets. But
Tom give him five cents to keep quiet, and said we would all go home and
meet next week, and rob somebody and kill some people.

Ben Rogers said he couldn't get out much, only Sundays, and so he wanted
to begin next Sunday; but all the boys said it would be wicked to do it
on Sunday, and that settled the thing. They agreed to get together and
fix a day as soon as they could, and then we elected Tom Sawyer first
captain and Jo Harper second captain of the Gang, and so started home.

I clumb up the shed and crept into my window just before day was
breaking. My new clothes was all greased up and clayey, and I was
dog-tired.




CHAPTER III.

WELL, I got a good going-over in the morning from old Miss Watson on
account of my clothes; but the widow she didn't scold, but only cleaned
off the grease and clay, and looked so sorry that I thought I would
behave awhile if I could. Then Miss Watson she took me in the closet
and prayed, but nothing come of it. She told me to pray every day, and
whatever I asked for I would get it. But it warn't so. I tried it.
Once I got a fish-line, but no hooks. It warn't any good to me without
hooks. I tried for the hooks three or four times, but somehow I
couldn't make it work. By and by, one day, I asked Miss Watson to
try for me, but she said I was a fool. She never told me why, and I
couldn't make it out no way.

I set down one time back in the woods, and had a long think about it.
I says to myself, if a body can get anything they pray for, why don't
Deacon Winn get back the money he lost on pork? Why can't the widow get
back her silver snuffbox that was stole? Why can't Miss Watson fat up?
No, says I to my self, there ain't nothing in it. I went and told the
widow about it, and she said the thing a body could get by praying for
it was "spiritual gifts." This was too many for me, but she told me
what she meant—I must help other people, and do everything I could for
other people, and look out for them all the time, and never think about
myself. This was including Miss Watson, as I took it. I went out in the
woods and turned it over in my mind a long time, but I couldn't see no
advantage about it—except for the other people; so at last I reckoned
I wouldn't worry about it any more, but just let it go. Sometimes the
widow would take me one side and talk about Providence in a way to make
a body's mouth water; but maybe next day Miss Watson would take hold
and knock it all down again. I judged I could see that there was two
Providences, and a poor chap would stand considerable show with the
widow's Providence, but if Miss Watson's got him there warn't no help
for him any more. I thought it all out, and reckoned I would belong
to the widow's if he wanted me, though I couldn't make out how he was
a-going to be any better off then than what he was before, seeing I was
so ignorant, and so kind of low-down and ornery.

Pap he hadn't been seen for more than a year, and that was comfortable
for me; I didn't want to see him no more. He used to always whale me
when he was sober and could get his hands on me; though I used to take
to the woods most of the time when he was around. Well, about this time
he was found in the river drownded, about twelve mile above town, so
people said. They judged it was him, anyway; said this drownded man was
just his size, and was ragged, and had uncommon long hair, which was all
like pap; but they couldn't make nothing out of the face, because it had
been in the water so long it warn't much like a face at all. They said
he was floating on his back in the water. They took him and buried him
on the bank. But I warn't comfortable long, because I happened to think
of something. I knowed mighty well that a drownded man don't float on
his back, but on his face. So I knowed, then, that this warn't pap, but
a woman dressed up in a man's clothes. So I was uncomfortable again.
I judged the old man would turn up again by and by, though I wished he
wouldn't.

We played robber now and then about a month, and then I resigned. All
the boys did. We hadn't robbed nobody, hadn't killed any people, but
only just pretended. We used to hop out of the woods and go charging
down on hog-drivers and women in carts taking garden stuff to market,
but we never hived any of them. Tom Sawyer called the hogs "ingots,"
and he called the turnips and stuff "julery," and we would go to the
cave and powwow over what we had done, and how many people we had killed
and marked. But I couldn't see no profit in it. One time Tom sent a
boy to run about town with a blazing stick, which he called a slogan
(which was the sign for the Gang to get together), and then he said he
had got secret news by his spies that next day a whole parcel of Spanish
merchants and rich A-rabs was going to camp in Cave Hollow with two
hundred elephants, and six hundred camels, and over a thousand "sumter"
mules, all loaded down with di'monds, and they didn't have only a guard
of four hundred soldiers, and so we would lay in ambuscade, as he called
it, and kill the lot and scoop the things. He said we must slick up
our swords and guns, and get ready. He never could go after even a
turnip-cart but he must have the swords and guns all scoured up for it,
though they was only lath and broomsticks, and you might scour at them
till you rotted, and then they warn't worth a mouthful of ashes more
than what they was before. I didn't believe we could lick such a crowd
of Spaniards and A-rabs, but I wanted to see the camels and elephants,
so I was on hand next day, Saturday, in the ambuscade; and when we got
the word we rushed out of the woods and down the hill. But there warn't
no Spaniards and A-rabs, and there warn't no camels nor no elephants.
It warn't anything but a Sunday-school picnic, and only a primer-class
at that. We busted it up, and chased the children up the hollow; but we
never got anything but some doughnuts and jam, though Ben Rogers got
a rag doll, and Jo Harper got a hymn-book and a tract; and then the
teacher charged in, and made us drop everything and cut.

I didn't see no di'monds, and I told Tom Sawyer so. He said there was
loads of them there, anyway; and he said there was A-rabs there, too,
and elephants and things. I said, why couldn't we see them, then? He
said if I warn't so ignorant, but had read a book called Don Quixote, I
would know without asking. He said it was all done by enchantment. He
said there was hundreds of soldiers there, and elephants and treasure,
and so on, but we had enemies which he called magicians; and they had
turned the whole thing into an infant Sunday-school, just out of spite.
I said, all right; then the thing for us to do was to go for the
magicians. Tom Sawyer said I was a numskull.

"Why," said he, "a magician could call up a lot of genies, and they
would hash you up like nothing before you could say Jack Robinson. They
are as tall as a tree and as big around as a church."

"Well," I says, "s'pose we got some genies to help _us_—can't we lick
the other crowd then?"

"How you going to get them?"

"I don't know. How do _they_ get them?"

"Why, they rub an old tin lamp or an iron ring, and then the genies
come tearing in, with the thunder and lightning a-ripping around and the
smoke a-rolling, and everything they're told to do they up and do it.
They don't think nothing of pulling a shot-tower up by the roots, and
belting a Sunday-school superintendent over the head with it—or any
other man."

"Who makes them tear around so?"

"Why, whoever rubs the lamp or the ring. They belong to whoever rubs
the lamp or the ring, and they've got to do whatever he says. If he
tells them to build a palace forty miles long out of di'monds, and fill
it full of chewing-gum, or whatever you want, and fetch an emperor's
daughter from China for you to marry, they've got to do it—and they've
got to do it before sun-up next morning, too. And more: they've got
to waltz that palace around over the country wherever you want it, you
understand."

"Well," says I, "I think they are a pack of flat-heads for not keeping
the palace themselves 'stead of fooling them away like that. And what's
more—if I was one of them I would see a man in Jericho before I would
drop my business and come to him for the rubbing of an old tin lamp."

"How you talk, Huck Finn. Why, you'd _have_ to come when he rubbed it,
whether you wanted to or not."

"What! and I as high as a tree and as big as a church? All right, then;
I _would_ come; but I lay I'd make that man climb the highest tree there
was in the country."

"Shucks, it ain't no use to talk to you, Huck Finn. You don't seem to
know anything, somehow—perfect saphead."

I thought all this over for two or three days, and then I reckoned I
would see if there was anything in it. I got an old tin lamp and an
iron ring, and went out in the woods and rubbed and rubbed till I sweat
like an Injun, calculating to build a palace and sell it; but it warn't
no use, none of the genies come. So then I judged that all that stuff
was only just one of Tom Sawyer's lies. I reckoned he believed in the
A-rabs and the elephants, but as for me I think different. It had all
the marks of a Sunday-school.




CHAPTER IV.

WELL, three or four months run along, and it was well into the winter
now. I had been to school most all the time and could spell and read and
write just a little, and could say the multiplication table up to six
times seven is thirty-five, and I don't reckon I could ever get any
further than that if I was to live forever. I don't take no stock in
mathematics, anyway.

At first I hated the school, but by and by I got so I could stand it.
Whenever I got uncommon tired I played hookey, and the hiding I got next
day done me good and cheered me up. So the longer I went to school the
easier it got to be. I was getting sort of used to the widow's ways,
too, and they warn't so raspy on me. Living in a house and sleeping in
a bed pulled on me pretty tight mostly, but before the cold weather I
used to slide out and sleep in the woods sometimes, and so that was a
rest to me. I liked the old ways best, but I was getting so I liked the
new ones, too, a little bit. The widow said I was coming along slow but
sure, and doing very satisfactory. She said she warn't ashamed of me.

One morning I happened to turn over the salt-cellar at breakfast.
I reached for some of it as quick as I could to throw over my left
shoulder and keep off the bad luck, but Miss Watson was in ahead of me,
and crossed me off. She says, "Take your hands away, Huckleberry; what
a mess you are always making!" The widow put in a good word for me, but
that warn't going to keep off the bad luck, I knowed that well enough.
I started out, after breakfast, feeling worried and shaky, and
wondering where it was going to fall on me, and what it was going to be.
There is ways to keep off some kinds of bad luck, but this wasn't one
of them kind; so I never tried to do anything, but just poked along
low-spirited and on the watch-out.

I went down to the front garden and clumb over the stile where you go
through the high board fence. There was an inch of new snow on the
ground, and I seen somebody's tracks. They had come up from the quarry
and stood around the stile a while, and then went on around the garden
fence. It was funny they hadn't come in, after standing around so. I
couldn't make it out. It was very curious, somehow. I was going to
follow around, but I stooped down to look at the tracks first. I didn't
notice anything at first, but next I did. There was a cross in the left
boot-heel made with big nails, to keep off the devil.

I was up in a second and shinning down the hill. I looked over my
shoulder every now and then, but I didn't see nobody. I was at Judge
Thatcher's as quick as I could get there. He said:

"Why, my boy, you are all out of breath. Did you come for your
interest?"

"No, sir," I says; "is there some for me?"

"Oh, yes, a half-yearly is in last night—over a hundred and fifty
dollars. Quite a fortune for you. You had better let me invest it
along with your six thousand, because if you take it you'll spend it."

"No, sir," I says, "I don't want to spend it. I don't want it at
all—nor the six thousand, nuther. I want you to take it; I want to give
it to you—the six thousand and all."

He looked surprised. He couldn't seem to make it out. He says:

"Why, what can you mean, my boy?"

I says, "Don't you ask me no questions about it, please. You'll take
it—won't you?"

He says:

"Well, I'm puzzled. Is something the matter?"

"Please take it," says I, "and don't ask me nothing—then I won't have to
tell no lies."

He studied a while, and then he says:

"Oho-o! I think I see. You want to _sell_ all your property to me—not
give it. That's the correct idea."

Then he wrote something on a paper and read it over, and says:

"There; you see it says 'for a consideration.' That means I have bought
it of you and paid you for it. Here's a dollar for you. Now you sign
it."

So I signed it, and left.

Miss Watson's nigger, Jim, had a hair-ball as big as your fist, which
had been took out of the fourth stomach of an ox, and he used to do
magic with it. He said there was a spirit inside of it, and it knowed
everything. So I went to him that night and told him pap was here
again, for I found his tracks in the snow. What I wanted to know was,
what he was going to do, and was he going to stay? Jim got out his
hair-ball and said something over it, and then he held it up and dropped
it on the floor. It fell pretty solid, and only rolled about an inch.
Jim tried it again, and then another time, and it acted just the same.
Jim got down on his knees, and put his ear against it and listened.
But it warn't no use; he said it wouldn't talk. He said sometimes it
wouldn't talk without money. I told him I had an old slick counterfeit
quarter that warn't no good because the brass showed through the silver
a little, and it wouldn't pass nohow, even if the brass didn't show,
because it was so slick it felt greasy, and so that would tell on it
every time. (I reckoned I wouldn't say nothing about the dollar I got
from the judge.) I said it was pretty bad money, but maybe the hair-ball
would take it, because maybe it wouldn't know the difference. Jim smelt
it and bit it and rubbed it, and said he would manage so the hair-ball
would think it was good. He said he would split open a raw Irish potato
and stick the quarter in between and keep it there all night, and next
morning you couldn't see no brass, and it wouldn't feel greasy no more,
and so anybody in town would take it in a minute, let alone a hair-ball.
Well, I knowed a potato would do that before, but I had forgot it.

Jim put the quarter under the hair-ball, and got down and listened
again. This time he said the hair-ball was all right. He said it
would tell my whole fortune if I wanted it to. I says, go on. So the
hair-ball talked to Jim, and Jim told it to me. He says:

"Yo' ole father doan' know yit what he's a-gwyne to do. Sometimes he
spec he'll go 'way, en den agin he spec he'll stay. De bes' way is to
res' easy en let de ole man take his own way. Dey's two angels hoverin'
roun' 'bout him. One uv 'em is white en shiny, en t'other one is black.
De white one gits him to go right a little while, den de black one sail
in en bust it all up. A body can't tell yit which one gwyne to fetch
him at de las'. But you is all right. You gwyne to have considable
trouble in yo' life, en considable joy. Sometimes you gwyne to git
hurt, en sometimes you gwyne to git sick; but every time you's gwyne
to git well agin. Dey's two gals flyin' 'bout you in yo' life. One
uv 'em's light en t'other one is dark. One is rich en t'other is po'.
You's gwyne to marry de po' one fust en de rich one by en by. You
wants to keep 'way fum de water as much as you kin, en don't run no
resk, 'kase it's down in de bills dat you's gwyne to git hung."

When I lit my candle and went up to my room that night there sat pap his
own self!




CHAPTER V.

I had shut the door to. Then I turned around and there he was. I used
to be scared of him all the time, he tanned me so much. I reckoned I
was scared now, too; but in a minute I see I was mistaken—that is, after
the first jolt, as you may say, when my breath sort of hitched, he being
so unexpected; but right away after I see I warn't scared of him worth
bothring about.

He was most fifty, and he looked it. His hair was long and tangled and
greasy, and hung down, and you could see his eyes shining through
like he was behind vines. It was all black, no gray; so was his long,
mixed-up whiskers. There warn't no color in his face, where his face
showed; it was white; not like another man's white, but a white to make
a body sick, a white to make a body's flesh crawl—a tree-toad white, a
fish-belly white. As for his clothes—just rags, that was all. He had
one ankle resting on t'other knee; the boot on that foot was busted, and
two of his toes stuck through, and he worked them now and then. His hat
was laying on the floor—an old black slouch with the top caved in, like
a lid.

I stood a-looking at him; he set there a-looking at me, with his chair
tilted back a little. I set the candle down. I noticed the window was
up; so he had clumb in by the shed. He kept a-looking me all over. By
and by he says:

"Starchy clothes—very. You think you're a good deal of a big-bug,
_don't_ you?"

"Maybe I am, maybe I ain't," I says.

"Don't you give me none o' your lip," says he. "You've put on
considerable many frills since I been away. I'll take you down a peg
before I get done with you. You're educated, too, they say—can read and
write. You think you're better'n your father, now, don't you, because
he can't? _I'll_ take it out of you. Who told you you might meddle
with such hifalut'n foolishness, hey?—who told you you could?"

"The widow. She told me."

"The widow, hey?—and who told the widow she could put in her shovel
about a thing that ain't none of her business?"

"Nobody never told her."

"Well, I'll learn her how to meddle. And looky here—you drop that
school, you hear? I'll learn people to bring up a boy to put on airs
over his own father and let on to be better'n what _he_ is. You lemme
catch you fooling around that school again, you hear? Your mother
couldn't read, and she couldn't write, nuther, before she died. None
of the family couldn't before _they_ died. I can't; and here you're
a-swelling yourself up like this. I ain't the man to stand it—you hear?
Say, lemme hear you read."

I took up a book and begun something about General Washington and the
wars. When I'd read about a half a minute, he fetched the book a whack
with his hand and knocked it across the house. He says:

"It's so. You can do it. I had my doubts when you told me. Now looky
here; you stop that putting on frills. I won't have it. I'll lay for
you, my smarty; and if I catch you about that school I'll tan you good.
First you know you'll get religion, too. I never see such a son."

He took up a little blue and yaller picture of some cows and a boy, and
says:

"What's this?"

"It's something they give me for learning my lessons good."

He tore it up, and says:

"I'll give you something better—I'll give you a cowhide."

He set there a-mumbling and a-growling a minute, and then he says:

"_Ain't_ you a sweet-scented dandy, though? A bed; and bedclothes; and
a look'n'-glass; and a piece of carpet on the floor—and your own father
got to sleep with the hogs in the tanyard. I never see such a son. I
bet I'll take some o' these frills out o' you before I'm done with you.
Why, there ain't no end to your airs—they say you're rich. Hey?—how's
that?"

"They lie—that's how."

"Looky here—mind how you talk to me; I'm a-standing about all I can
stand now—so don't gimme no sass. I've been in town two days, and I
hain't heard nothing but about you bein' rich. I heard about it
away down the river, too. That's why I come. You git me that money
to-morrow—I want it."

"I hain't got no money."

"It's a lie. Judge Thatcher's got it. You git it. I want it."

"I hain't got no money, I tell you. You ask Judge Thatcher; he'll tell
you the same."

"All right. I'll ask him; and I'll make him pungle, too, or I'll know
the reason why. Say, how much you got in your pocket? I want it."

"I hain't got only a dollar, and I want that to—"

"It don't make no difference what you want it for—you just shell it
out."

He took it and bit it to see if it was good, and then he said he was
going down town to get some whisky; said he hadn't had a drink all day.
When he had got out on the shed he put his head in again, and cussed
me for putting on frills and trying to be better than him; and when I
reckoned he was gone he come back and put his head in again, and told me
to mind about that school, because he was going to lay for me and lick
me if I didn't drop that.

Next day he was drunk, and he went to Judge Thatcher's and bullyragged
him, and tried to make him give up the money; but he couldn't, and then
he swore he'd make the law force him.

The judge and the widow went to law to get the court to take me away
from him and let one of them be my guardian; but it was a new judge that
had just come, and he didn't know the old man; so he said courts mustn't
interfere and separate families if they could help it; said he'd druther
not take a child away from its father. So Judge Thatcher and the widow
had to quit on the business.

That pleased the old man till he couldn't rest. He said he'd cowhide
me till I was black and blue if I didn't raise some money for him. I
borrowed three dollars from Judge Thatcher, and pap took it and got
drunk, and went a-blowing around and cussing and whooping and carrying
on; and he kept it up all over town, with a tin pan, till most midnight;
then they jailed him, and next day they had him before court, and jailed
him again for a week. But he said _he_ was satisfied; said he was boss
of his son, and he'd make it warm for _him_.

When he got out the new judge said he was a-going to make a man of him.
So he took him to his own house, and dressed him up clean and nice, and
had him to breakfast and dinner and supper with the family, and was just
old pie to him, so to speak. And after supper he talked to him about
temperance and such things till the old man cried, and said he'd been
a fool, and fooled away his life; but now he was a-going to turn over
a new leaf and be a man nobody wouldn't be ashamed of, and he hoped the
judge would help him and not look down on him. The judge said he could
hug him for them words; so he cried, and his wife she cried again; pap
said he'd been a man that had always been misunderstood before, and the
judge said he believed it. The old man said that what a man wanted
that was down was sympathy, and the judge said it was so; so they cried
again. And when it was bedtime the old man rose up and held out his
hand, and says:

"Look at it, gentlemen and ladies all; take a-hold of it; shake it.
There's a hand that was the hand of a hog; but it ain't so no more; it's
the hand of a man that's started in on a new life, and'll die before
he'll go back. You mark them words—don't forget I said them. It's a
clean hand now; shake it—don't be afeard."

So they shook it, one after the other, all around, and cried. The
judge's wife she kissed it. Then the old man he signed a pledge—made
his mark. The judge said it was the holiest time on record, or something
like that. Then they tucked the old man into a beautiful room, which was
the spare room, and in the night some time he got powerful thirsty and
clumb out on to the porch-roof and slid down a stanchion and traded his
new coat for a jug of forty-rod, and clumb back again and had a good old
time; and towards daylight he crawled out again, drunk as a fiddler, and
rolled off the porch and broke his left arm in two places, and was most
froze to death when somebody found him after sun-up. And when they come
to look at that spare room they had to take soundings before they could
navigate it.

The judge he felt kind of sore. He said he reckoned a body could reform
the old man with a shotgun, maybe, but he didn't know no other way.




CHAPTER VI.

WELL, pretty soon the old man was up and around again, and then he went
for Judge Thatcher in the courts to make him give up that money, and he
went for me, too, for not stopping school. He catched me a couple of
times and thrashed me, but I went to school just the same, and dodged
him or outrun him most of the time. I didn't want to go to school much
before, but I reckoned I'd go now to spite pap. That law trial was a
slow business—appeared like they warn't ever going to get started on it;
so every now and then I'd borrow two or three dollars off of the judge
for him, to keep from getting a cowhiding. Every time he got money he
got drunk; and every time he got drunk he raised Cain around town; and
every time he raised Cain he got jailed. He was just suited—this kind
of thing was right in his line.

He got to hanging around the widow's too much and so she told him at
last that if he didn't quit using around there she would make trouble
for him. Well, _wasn't_ he mad? He said he would show who was Huck
Finn's boss. So he watched out for me one day in the spring, and
catched me, and took me up the river about three mile in a skiff, and
crossed over to the Illinois shore where it was woody and there warn't
no houses but an old log hut in a place where the timber was so thick
you couldn't find it if you didn't know where it was.

He kept me with him all the time, and I never got a chance to run off.
We lived in that old cabin, and he always locked the door and put the
key under his head nights. He had a gun which he had stole, I reckon,
and we fished and hunted, and that was what we lived on. Every little
while he locked me in and went down to the store, three miles, to the
ferry, and traded fish and game for whisky, and fetched it home and got
drunk and had a good time, and licked me. The widow she found out where
I was by and by, and she sent a man over to try to get hold of me; but
pap drove him off with the gun, and it warn't long after that till I was
used to being where I was, and liked it—all but the cowhide part.

It was kind of lazy and jolly, laying off comfortable all day, smoking
and fishing, and no books nor study. Two months or more run along, and
my clothes got to be all rags and dirt, and I didn't see how I'd ever
got to like it so well at the widow's, where you had to wash, and eat on
a plate, and comb up, and go to bed and get up regular, and be forever
bothering over a book, and have old Miss Watson pecking at you all the
time. I didn't want to go back no more. I had stopped cussing, because
the widow didn't like it; but now I took to it again because pap hadn't
no objections. It was pretty good times up in the woods there, take it
all around.

But by and by pap got too handy with his hick'ry, and I couldn't stand
it. I was all over welts. He got to going away so much, too, and
locking me in. Once he locked me in and was gone three days. It was
dreadful lonesome. I judged he had got drownded, and I wasn't ever
going to get out any more. I was scared. I made up my mind I would fix
up some way to leave there. I had tried to get out of that cabin many
a time, but I couldn't find no way. There warn't a window to it big
enough for a dog to get through. I couldn't get up the chimbly; it
was too narrow. The door was thick, solid oak slabs. Pap was pretty
careful not to leave a knife or anything in the cabin when he was away;
I reckon I had hunted the place over as much as a hundred times; well, I
was most all the time at it, because it was about the only way to put in
the time. But this time I found something at last; I found an old rusty
wood-saw without any handle; it was laid in between a rafter and the
clapboards of the roof. I greased it up and went to work. There was an
old horse-blanket nailed against the logs at the far end of the cabin
behind the table, to keep the wind from blowing through the chinks and
putting the candle out. I got under the table and raised the blanket,
and went to work to saw a section of the big bottom log out—big enough
to let me through. Well, it was a good long job, but I was getting
towards the end of it when I heard pap's gun in the woods. I got rid of
the signs of my work, and dropped the blanket and hid my saw, and pretty
soon pap come in.

Pap warn't in a good humor—so he was his natural self. He said he was
down town, and everything was going wrong. His lawyer said he reckoned
he would win his lawsuit and get the money if they ever got started on
the trial; but then there was ways to put it off a long time, and Judge
Thatcher knowed how to do it. And he said people allowed there'd be
another trial to get me away from him and give me to the widow for my
guardian, and they guessed it would win this time. This shook me up
considerable, because I didn't want to go back to the widow's any more
and be so cramped up and sivilized, as they called it. Then the old man
got to cussing, and cussed everything and everybody he could think of,
and then cussed them all over again to make sure he hadn't skipped any,
and after that he polished off with a kind of a general cuss all round,
including a considerable parcel of people which he didn't know the names
of, and so called them what's-his-name when he got to them, and went
right along with his cussing.

He said he would like to see the widow get me. He said he would watch
out, and if they tried to come any such game on him he knowed of a place
six or seven mile off to stow me in, where they might hunt till they
dropped and they couldn't find me. That made me pretty uneasy again,
but only for a minute; I reckoned I wouldn't stay on hand till he got
that chance.

The old man made me go to the skiff and fetch the things he had
got. There was a fifty-pound sack of corn meal, and a side of bacon,
ammunition, and a four-gallon jug of whisky, and an old book and two
newspapers for wadding, besides some tow. I toted up a load, and went
back and set down on the bow of the skiff to rest. I thought it all
over, and I reckoned I would walk off with the gun and some lines, and
take to the woods when I run away. I guessed I wouldn't stay in one
place, but just tramp right across the country, mostly night times, and
hunt and fish to keep alive, and so get so far away that the old man nor
the widow couldn't ever find me any more. I judged I would saw out and
leave that night if pap got drunk enough, and I reckoned he would. I
got so full of it I didn't notice how long I was staying till the old
man hollered and asked me whether I was asleep or drownded.

I got the things all up to the cabin, and then it was about dark. While
I was cooking supper the old man took a swig or two and got sort of
warmed up, and went to ripping again. He had been drunk over in town,
and laid in the gutter all night, and he was a sight to look at. A body
would a thought he was Adam—he was just all mud. Whenever his liquor
begun to work he most always went for the govment, this time he says:

"Call this a govment! why, just look at it and see what it's like.
Here's the law a-standing ready to take a man's son away from him—a
man's own son, which he has had all the trouble and all the anxiety
and all the expense of raising. Yes, just as that man has got that
son raised at last, and ready to go to work and begin to do suthin' for
_him_ and give him a rest, the law up and goes for him. And they call
_that_ govment! That ain't all, nuther. The law backs that old Judge
Thatcher up and helps him to keep me out o' my property. Here's what
the law does: The law takes a man worth six thousand dollars and
up'ards, and jams him into an old trap of a cabin like this, and lets
him go round in clothes that ain't fitten for a hog. They call that
govment! A man can't get his rights in a govment like this. Sometimes
I've a mighty notion to just leave the country for good and all. Yes,
and I _told_ 'em so; I told old Thatcher so to his face. Lots of 'em
heard me, and can tell what I said. Says I, for two cents I'd leave the
blamed country and never come a-near it agin. Them's the very words. I
says look at my hat—if you call it a hat—but the lid raises up and the
rest of it goes down till it's below my chin, and then it ain't rightly
a hat at all, but more like my head was shoved up through a jint o'
stove-pipe. Look at it, says I—such a hat for me to wear—one of the
wealthiest men in this town if I could git my rights.

"Oh, yes, this is a wonderful govment, wonderful. Why, looky here.
There was a free nigger there from Ohio—a mulatter, most as white as
a white man. He had the whitest shirt on you ever see, too, and the
shiniest hat; and there ain't a man in that town that's got as fine
clothes as what he had; and he had a gold watch and chain, and a
silver-headed cane—the awfulest old gray-headed nabob in the State. And
what do you think? They said he was a p'fessor in a college, and could
talk all kinds of languages, and knowed everything. And that ain't the
wust. They said he could _vote_ when he was at home. Well, that let me
out. Thinks I, what is the country a-coming to? It was 'lection day,
and I was just about to go and vote myself if I warn't too drunk to get
there; but when they told me there was a State in this country where
they'd let that nigger vote, I drawed out. I says I'll never vote agin.
Them's the very words I said; they all heard me; and the country may
rot for all me—I'll never vote agin as long as I live. And to see the
cool way of that nigger—why, he wouldn't a give me the road if I hadn't
shoved him out o' the way. I says to the people, why ain't this nigger
put up at auction and sold?—that's what I want to know. And what do you
reckon they said? Why, they said he couldn't be sold till he'd been in
the State six months, and he hadn't been there that long yet. There,
now—that's a specimen. They call that a govment that can't sell a free
nigger till he's been in the State six months. Here's a govment that
calls itself a govment, and lets on to be a govment, and thinks it is a
govment, and yet's got to set stock-still for six whole months before
it can take a hold of a prowling, thieving, infernal, white-shirted free
nigger, and—"

Pap was agoing on so he never noticed where his old limber legs was
taking him to, so he went head over heels over the tub of salt pork and
barked both shins, and the rest of his speech was all the hottest kind
of language—mostly hove at the nigger and the govment, though he give
the tub some, too, all along, here and there. He hopped around the
cabin considerable, first on one leg and then on the other, holding
first one shin and then the other one, and at last he let out with his
left foot all of a sudden and fetched the tub a rattling kick. But it
warn't good judgment, because that was the boot that had a couple of his
toes leaking out of the front end of it; so now he raised a howl that
fairly made a body's hair raise, and down he went in the dirt, and
rolled there, and held his toes; and the cussing he done then laid over
anything he had ever done previous. He said so his own self afterwards.
He had heard old Sowberry Hagan in his best days, and he said it laid
over him, too; but I reckon that was sort of piling it on, maybe.

After supper pap took the jug, and said he had enough whisky there
for two drunks and one delirium tremens. That was always his word. I
judged he would be blind drunk in about an hour, and then I would steal
the key, or saw myself out, one or t'other. He drank and drank, and
tumbled down on his blankets by and by; but luck didn't run my way.
He didn't go sound asleep, but was uneasy. He groaned and moaned and
thrashed around this way and that for a long time. At last I got so
sleepy I couldn't keep my eyes open all I could do, and so before I
knowe...
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Administrator Wrote:South African Bodybuilding, Strength and Fitness discussion forum - 'Knowledge is Confidence'. Supplements, nutrition, steroid cycles and training information: check out our articles and forums.South African Bodybuilding, Strength and Fitness discussion forum - 'Knowledge is Confidence'. Supplements, nutrition, steroid cycles and training information: check out our articles and forums.South African Bodybuilding, Strength and Fitness discussion forum - 'Knowledge is Confidence'. Supplements, nutrition, steroid cycles and training information: check out our articles and forums.South African Bodybuilding, Strength and Fitness discussion forum - 'Knowledge is Confidence'. Supplements, nutrition, steroid cycles and training information: check out our articles and forums.South African Bodybuilding, Strength and Fitness discussion forum - 'Knowledge is Confidence'. 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#58
I ended up getting the Reyes more padding gloves. Haven’t used them but but I turned into amazed by using just how a whole lot padding they did have. The leather on it felt pinnacle satisfactory and god, they’re gorgeous to have a look at to buy small gloves. I can honestly see them lasting for multiple years.
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